This is NOT a Musical CANCELLED
by ZollySealand
Summary: As stated above, this really isn't a Musical. There are just some songs in it. A typical, annoying high school-guy ends up in Middle Earth and decides to join the Fellowship because well... who wouldn't? CANCELLED
1. Chapter 1

_Hi guys._

_This is my first English fan fic (I'm German) so please be nice when my English sounds off. I always try to do my best!_

_Anyways, about the story: Most stories I read about self-insertion started in Rivindell so I thought why not start in Bree and start annoying everyone earlier. This is what my deranged mind came up with: _

_Oh and by the way: I own nothing. Literally. Even the computer is my brother's._

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><p>"This my friend is a pint!", Merry said to Pippin with a huge grin on his face.<p>

"It comes in pints? I'm getting one!", Pippin declared and rushed to the bar in pursuit of his beer.

"You've had a whole half already", Sam scolded Pippin but he didn't hear it anymore. Shaking his head, Sam looked around the bar only to find a couple of filthy looking men at the bar glancing at Frodo and an equally dirty looking man in the corner outright staring at him. "That fellow's done nothing but stare at you since we've arrived", Sam whispered to Frodo and nodded in the stranger's direction.

Just in that moment, Butterbur, the bartender, passed the hobbits, and Frodo took the opportunity to stop him and ask: "Excuse me, that man in the corner, who is he?"

"He's one of them Rangers. They're dangerous folk they are, wandering the wilds. What his right name is, I never heard, but 'round here he's known as Strider", Butterbur answered and walked on.

"Strider...", Frodo quietly whispered to himself and started toying with the Ring. Frodo started sweating and the Ring started humming.

"Baggins... Baggins...", the Ring seemed to whisper to Frodo only to be interrupted by Pippin's loud Voice.

"Baggins? Sure, I know a Baggins. He's over there. Frodo Baggins. He's my second cousin once removed on his mother's side and my third cousin twioce removed on his father's side, if you follow me", Pippin loudly explained to the men he was chatting with. He was sitting at the bar and the men were the same shady men that had glanced at Frodo before

Sensing the danger Pippin was getting them into, Frodo leapt to his feet and ran towards the bar. He grabbed Pippin's sleeve but only managed to spill his beer. Annoyed, Pippin pushed Frodo away. Frodo stumbled backwards and tripped over the feet of the men. He fell to the floor and carapulted the Ring in the air. The whole inn had turned silent and stared at the ring that was slowly rotating in the air. Frodo reached out for the ring but suddenly, a pint appeared out of nowhere, catching the ring.

The Ring flew into the air only to be instantly caught in a pint which seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

"Oi Sunshine, I think you should come with me", said the person holding the pint and grabbed Frodo by his shoulder. The hobbit was dragged up the stairs into an empty bedroom and put on a chair.

"So...", the stranger started only to be instantly interrupted by Sam, Merry and Pippin armed with a candlestick and their bare fists. Before the hobbits could do anything, the stranger was shoving them into the corner of the room. "Shut up and sit down", he gnarled. When the Hobbits had done what they were told, the stranger turned to Frodo only to be interrupted again, this time by the shady looking, pipe smoking guy who sat in a dark corner, down of in tavern. Without looking, the stranger held his sword behind his back to the shady guy's throat. "In the corner, to the dwarves", the stranger ordered.

"We're...", Merry started but after receiving an evil look from the stranger he went silent. Meanwhile the shady guy slowly went into the corner as well. When everyone was settled the stranger took off his hood.

"Hi, I'm Tristan", he smiled. He wasn't much older than sixteen and had short light brown hair.

"Uh, I'm Frodo", Frodo said confused.

"Yeah I know", Tristan smiled. "Sam, Pippin, Merry, Strider or whatever you want to be called", he greeted the others.

"How...", Strider started but Tristan cut him off.

"Later. Now we have to make some ground rules. First: Frodo, if you ever take that ring off its chain I'll cut off one of your fingers. Understood?" Frodo nodded frightened. "Good. Second: No one talks about where we're going or what we're carrying with us. Third: If you see or hear anything suspicious or just have a bad feeling about something you come to me or Strider and we will think about it. Any questions?" The hobbits and Strider looked at each other. Frodo coughed softly.

"Could I maybe have the ring back?", he asked.

"Oh. Yeah, of course", Tristan said and emptied the pint he still had in his hand. "It's actually a really cool looking ring you know. All minimalist and that..." Strider and the Hobbits tensed as Tristan took a closer look at the ring. "... But I like black rings better", Tristan ended and put the ring on Frodo's chain. "Now I think we should all take a nap. Tomorrow we have a long road ahead of us", Tristan said and then started singing:

_Long road to ruin there in your eyes  
>Under the cold streetlights<br>No tomorrow, no dead end in sight_

Meanwhile, he prepped the beds so that it looked as if someone was sleeping in them. Strider and the Hobbits looked confused and sat still, exactly where Tristan had put them. "Honestly guys? Some help would be great!", Tristan said annoyedly. Merry was the first to get up and go fetch some pillows to stuff the sheets. "Cheers, mate", Tristan said and threw a pillow at Strider. "Get your ass up! I don't want to do this all alone!"

"What exactly are you doing?", Strider asked confused.

"What does it look like? Making the beds look like there are some Hobbits in them so potential visitors kill the pillows and not the little ones", Tristan explained. Strider seemed to understand and rose up. With the help of Strider and all the hobbits, the beds were prepped in no time. "Alright. Now get your sleeping bags or whatever you want to sleep on. You're gonna sleep on the floor in the room next door", Tristan explained the further course of the night.

**-Tristan's POV-**

The night was quiet. There were no unexpected (and expected for that matter) visitors but no one slept well. Strider didn't seem to sleep at all. He sat on a chair and looked out of the window.

"You know that sleeping less than eight hours a day is bad for your health and can lead to depression, weight gain and the inability to concentrate, right?", I asked him.

"Yeah? So why don't you sleep?", Strider asked back. He had a point. The sun was about to rise and I hadn't slept a second as well.

"Somebody has to make sure you don't screw up", I shrugged.

"Who are you anyway? And why do you help the Hobbits and me?", Strider asked.

I sighed. "That's a very long story. I'll tell you when we're in Rivindell"

It was a long story indeed. Two months earlier I had been sitting in my room in Atlanta, writing my English essay on the parallels of Morgoth/Melkar and Lucifer when everything around me had gone black. After the dizzyness had passed I had realized that I had landed on the open field at a really nice place. After questioning a friendly local I had found out that I had ended up at the border to the shire and that it was about the time Frodo started prepping for his adventure vacation. Out of some reason I had woken up wearing Middle Earth appropriate clothes including a nice sword and dagger. I had spent my time training my very rusty sword skills (my brother and I used to play knights when we were little) and getting to Bree, knowing exactly where it was but having no idea how to get there. Like any educated person (at least from my subjective point of view) I knew Lord of the Rings and all its surrounding mythology by heart but having to actually live in Middle Earth was totally different. Especially the hygiene part was very, well, unusual to put it nicely. Anyways, I had decided to save the fellowship's asses and then get back to my world somehow. That's how I ended up here.

"Not to make me look bad or anything but why do you trust me anyways? It's not that we're old buddies or something and considering what you're planing to do, trusting everyone that comes along isn't really a very good idea", I asked Aragorn after a few minutes of silence.

"Well on the one hand exactly because of this. Who would ask me not to trust them when they were actually not trustworthy? And until now you haven't given me any reason not to trust you. And on the other hand: You're an elf and I trust elves in general", Aragorn explained.

"I'm not an elf!" I said indignantly.

"Yes you are", Aragorn said confused but decidedly.

"No?", I said, this time uncertain. I mean, I hadn't looked in the mirror since I had ended up here but no one had pointed it out to me before. But that could be because I always wore my hood and my hair was falling over my ears so no one could see if they were pointy or not.

"Yes you are. Didn't you know that?" Aragorn was chuckling.

"Not funny!", I said sulkyly.

"Why didn't you know? Your parents must have made it quite obvious", Aragorn asked.

"Yeah I don't know... I don't know my parents. In fact I have absolutely no clue who or what I am and where I'm from", I explained. Mentioning that I was sucked in here two months ago from another world probably wouldn't be very trust affirming so I decided to skip that part until I met Gandalf. He always seemed like a cool guy who knew what was going on. The only other person I though was competent enough was Galdriel but she always freaked me out when she camped in everyone's brains.

"Oh. I'm sorry", Aragorn said sympathetically.  
>We spent rest of the night in silence. I thought about where we had to go to get to Rivindell and what I would do then. I wasn't really sure if all my interfering with the course of things was actually a very good idea. But if it wasn't, I wouldn't have ended up here right on time to save Frodo's backside at The Prancing Pony, would I? I really needed to see Gandalf and talk it through with him. I didn't get any further with my thoughts though because I was finally asleep.<p>

"Tristan, wake up!", Pippin yelled at me. Out of reflex I punchend him which resulted in a bloody nose. "Ouw! You broke my nose! Why did you do that?", Pip whined. I sat up and took a look at the results of my hit.

"It's not broken you pussy. Go downstairs ask for an empty pint and bleed in it. It'll stop in five minutes. And don't ever wake me by screaming at me. The next time I might actually break your nose", I said and started helping the Hobbits packing their stuff as if nothing happened. Confused, Pippin went downstairs.

I felt like shit. My first estimate put me with about five minutes of sleep and that was definitely not good. When I had the time I used to sleep ten hours straight...  
>One hour later everything was packed and we left the tavern and the prospect of warm comfy beds. Because Aragorn said so, we never took the main road and walked through forrests, swamps and fields. The fields were actually quite nice but the swamp killed me. Back home I was like caviar to the mosquitos and here in Middle Earth I didn't seem that much better.<p>

"Urgh, I hate this place! Strider, why did we have to go through the swamps? You can't tell me that there was no other way!", I complained to Aragorn.

"We have to hide from the Black Riders. The easiest way to do that is to stay off the road", Aragorn explained.

"I'd rather meet the Pony Brigade than spend another five minutes here! I'm gonna die of blood loss if we're not getting out of here soon", I said but Aragorn didn't react. "Tosser", I mumbled to myself and started singing.

_We're soaring, flying_  
><em>There's not a star in heaven<em>  
><em>That we can't reach<em>  
><em>If we're trying<em>  
><em>So we're breaking free<em>

_You know the world can see us_  
><em>In a way that's different than who we are<em>  
><em>Creating space between us<em>  
><em>'til we're separate hearts<em>  
><em>But your faith it gives me strength<em>  
><em>Strength to believe...<em>

_We're breaking free_  
><em>We're soaring, flying<em>  
><em>There's not a star in heaven<em>  
><em>That we can't reach<em>  
><em>If we're trying, yeah we're breaking free<em>

_Can you feel it building_  
><em>Like a wave the ocean just can't control<em>  
><em>Connected by a feeling<em>  
><em>In our very souls<em>  
><em>Rising 'til it lifts us up<em>  
><em>So everyone can see...<em>

_We're breaking free_  
><em>We're soaring, flying<em>  
><em>There's not a star in heaven<em>  
><em>That we can't reach<em>  
><em>If we're trying, yeah we're breaking free<em>

_Running, climbing_  
><em>To get to that place<em>  
><em>To be all that we can be<em>  
><em>Now's the time so we're breaking free<em>

_More than hope, more than faith,_  
><em>This is truth, this is fate<em>  
><em>And together, we see it coming<em>  
><em>More than you, more than me<em>  
><em>Not a want, but a need<em>  
><em>Both of us breaking free<em>  
><em>Soaring, flying<em>  
><em>There's not a star in heaven<em>

_That we can't reach_  
><em>If we're trying, yeah we're breaking free<em>

_Running, climbing_  
><em>To get to that place<em>  
><em>To be all that we can be<em>  
><em>Now's the time so we're breaking free<em>

_You know the world can see us_  
><em>In a way that's different than who we are<em>

We spent the rest of the day in silence which was only broken by single curses from the Hobbits and me and my singing.

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><p><strong>The songs are 'Long Road to Ruin' by the Foo Fighters and 'Breaking free' from High School Musical (as if there was someone out there who didn't know ;-))<strong>

**Please review and fav and subscribe and tell your friends and... I think you get the point :-D**

**A big THANK YOU to summersidefolly for writing the two reviews and Lucia Rayne for adding this story to her alert list (I was smiling like the Cheshire Cat).**


	2. Chapter 2

_Here's the new part!_

_Well, before I start I want to thank summersidefolly for yet another review and Lucia Rayne for adding this story to her alert list. I know I already did this last chapter but I wanted to make sure they read it._

_Also, there is some minor swearing_

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><p>The singing and whining went on for the next few days. Surprisingly, Strider not once tried to kill me even though I behaved like a five-year-old.<p>

"What is it?", I asked Frodo who was intrigued by my rendition of "Do you know" by Enrique Iglesias.

"You sing...", Frodo said, not knowing how to end the sentence.

"Am I that horrible?", I asked, whining.

"No! That's not it", Frodo assured me quickly, "It's just... The songs you sing. They sound different from what I normally hear. They aren't telling stories or praising beer and women."

"Well, that's because I have an awesome taste in music", I grinned, "but to be honest I don't really like all these old school story-songs." Frodo nodded and I went back to singing, this time 'How to save a life' by The Fray.

In the late evening we reached the weathertop. At first I was worried what might happen during the night but the Ringwraths hadn't been at The Prancing Pony so I figured that they had absolutely no clue where we were. I mean, how could they? Frodo hadn't put on the ring so they hadn't gotten the text.

"Okay, we'll stay here for the night. But NO FIRE! And if you hear or see anything, you tell me or Strider! Understood?", I said to my followers. They all nodded.

"Why can't we light a fire?", Pippin asked.

"Because I will kill you if you do, you idiot! If you haven't noticed: Frodo is on the most wanted list of Red Eye and a fire in the middle of nowhere might be suspicious to the Ponymen", I explained and slapped Pippin.  
>We climbed up the tower and made a camp. While the Hobbits went to sleep, Strider and I split up the watch.<p>

During my time off, I was woken up by the smell of sausages. "What the -!", I cursed and ran to the source of the smell. "You goddamn idiots! What did I tell you? NO FIRE! Put it out!" The Hobbits looked at me, shocked. Sam seemed to have thought that barbecueing in the middle of the night was a good idea... I took off my cape and put it on the fire to extinguish the flames but it was too late.

"Grab your weapons and get to the top! Stay together and NEVER let Frodo out of your sight!", I screamed. This time the Hobbits did what they were told and ran up the stairs while I jumped off the tower to greet our visitors (i.e. five Ringwraths). "Moin!", I said as I swung my sword at the first guy that was in my reach. We fought a bit but he didn't seem too interested in me and floated to the top of the tower at the first opportunity. "Shit!", I cursed and chased after him.

When I arrived at the top, Frodo had already put on the ring. Not really thinking that much I jumped in front of Frodo and pushed him away. It's not that that was a bad idea in general but being as lucky as I always am, the big boss put his sword right into my stomach. "Aw man! That hurt you idiot!", I screamed and swung my sword at him. The Witchking seemed surprised that I was still concious (so was I to be honest) and didn't defend himself at all when I cut through his chest. He screamed in pain and had another go at me when Argorn showed up.

"Nice of you to drop by", I smiled and got up. I had absolutely no idea why I was still able to fight but now was definitely not the time to think about that. A few feet next to me layed Frodo, his eyes wide open in horror. Obviously he had taken off his ring. "Oi lil'un! You a'ight?", I asked. He nodded and grabbed the sword that was on the ground next to him. Now that Aragorn was here, the Black Riders were in a lot of trouble. There was a lot of slashing and torching and in no time, two of the five Riders were burning and all of them ran away.

After he made sure that they were gone for good, Aragorn turned to me and the four Hobbits.

"Are you alright?", he asked worried. We all nodded and Frodo opened his mouth to say something but an evil look by me made him shut up.

"We have to leave now! The Riders will be chasing us and we still have a long way ahead of us", Aragorn said and prepared our leave.

That was my cue: "Well, I guess this is the moment where I say:

_Und ich wollte noch Abschied nehmen  
>das werd ich mir nie vergeben<br>Mann, wie konntest du von uns gehen  
>jetzt soll ich dich nie mehr sehen <em>

While singing that song, I slowly started to go the other way but Aragorn seemed to disagree.

"Wait!", he said and grabbed my arm, "You'll have to stay with us just a little bit longer."

"But I have a crammed calender. I really can't"

"What do you have to do then?"

"...Stuff..."

"Well, I think that can wait", Aragorn said, not allowing any arguments.

"That's against my Human Rights!", I protested but Aragorn didn't seem to care.

Since there was no way for me to argue my way out of this situation I decided to do as I was told and sneak out later. But I didn't get very far. That night when the Hobbits were sleeping, Aragorn decided to talk.

"Where were you hit?", he asked, immediately cutting to the chase.

"Er... Nowhere?", I answered, trying to sound as if I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Don't try to lie to me. I saw you getting stabbed by the Witchking. I just want to see where so I can help you", he said.

"How could you help me?", I asked. It was really nice of Aragorn to worry about me but I didn't see any scenario getting Frodo safely to Rivindell that featured me staying with the Hobbits. I was after all a Pony Brigade magnet.

"I'll find a way", Aragorn promised, "now please show me your wound."

Hesitantly I lifted my shirt. The stab was about five inches above my left hip and to be honest it really didn't look good. The area around the wound was completely black. Aragorn took a closer look and had the glorious idea to touch the edge of the hole in my stomach. For a short second everything around me went black and I lost my footing. Luckily for him, Aragorn caught me. Otherwise there would have been a really nastly fight.

"Are you completely nuts?", I spit at Aragorn, "that hurt you idiot!"

"Sorry", Aragorn said but it didn't sound like he meant it.

"Are you finished now?"

"I'm just wondering why you're not showing any symptoms of the poisoning", Aragorn mumbled, being in his own comfy bubble.

"That's very nice for you but could you wonder about that without sticking your finger inside me", I complained. It took me some time to realize why Aragorn tried to hide a grin. That guy had a seriously dirty mind! "So? What are your plans for the rest of our journey? You know that the Pony Brigade knows where I am and will run after me, right?"

Aragorn nodded. "Yes. But we can't just leave you out here where you have no chance of survival."

"The chances of me surviving aren't very high whether I'm staying with you or I take off. The chances of your safe arrival at Rivindell however are getting exponentially higher the further I am away from you"

"What does exponentially mean?", Aragorn asked confused.

"Well... n to the power of x?" Aragorn didn't seem to get it. "It means that you muliply 'n' which is a substitute for any number that you want to multiply 'x' times with itself. The 'x' is a placeholder for a row of numbers, most of the time starting with 1 and then continuing with all natural numbers; of course only if you have a function." I always thought that I was a very good maths tutor but Aragorn's face didn't show any sings of enlightnment. "Forget it! It's not that important", I sighed. Shouldn't elves and people who lived with them know such basic maths stuff? I was pretty bummed that they cared about making dresses but didn't seem to give a shit about simple algebra. At least I had a reason not to die and hang out with the Pony Brigade: I had to teach those elves some maths!

The next few days were bad to put it nicely. The blade decided to do some digging and I got worse and worse. At first the Hobbits didn't notice anything but after about three days even Pippin got that something was wrong. He and his friends started whispering behind my back, but they didn't talk to me about it and I had other stuff to worry about (i.e. my imminent death) so I just let them be.

"Are you alright? You've gotten pale during the last few days." Frodo had finally taken up the courage to ask what was going on.

"Period cramps", I joked. Unsurprisingly, Frodo didn't buy it.

"On the Weathertop... The Black Rider stabbed you, didn't he?"

"Well, if I said 'no' you wouldn't believe me anyways, would you?"

"No."

"Great", I mumbled to myself. "Yeah, I might have been hit but everything from then on is Strutter's fault!" Aragorn glared at me. Since he didn't let me leave, I had figured that it was just fair to annoy him in any way possible. That included giving him horrible nicknames and blaming him for everything.

Frodo smiled weakly and then fell back to the other hobbits. They immediately went on whispering.

"You do know that even though I'm hurt I haven't gotten deaf yet, right?", I asked, annoyed. The hobbits instantly got quiet.

"What is going to happen to you?", Pippin asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Well... Some time soon you will have to leave me behind because I am going to turn into a Black Rider. When that happens you really want to be as far away from me as possible. It's not going to be pretty. That's why I wanted to get rid of you at the Weathertop", I explained. Pippin looked at me, terrified. "Don't worry. Strider says he has everything under control and if he says so chances are he is right", I tried to cheer the hobbit up.

During the last few days I had grown quite fond of the little pack. In Bree they had seemed to be totally immature and annoying (they actually are) but during the last two weeks they had learned to be serious when it was required. Also, being around Merry and Pip was a lot of fun when I needed help to prank Aragorn.

The next day was the beginning of the end. When I woke up I was freezing. I had gotten cold during the last few days but that morning I felt like I was going to freeze to death any second.

"Tristan, get up! If we hurry we will be in Rivindell by nightfall. There, Lord Elrond will be able to treat your wound properly", Aragorn said to me and softly kicked me in the side. He then started packing the little camp we had made and payed no attention to me.

It was Pippin who realised that nightfall might be too late for me: "Strider! I think he's dead!", Pippin cried. In no time, Aragorn was by my side feeling my temperature and my pulse.

"No, he is not dead yet", Strider reassured the hobbits who were all standing around me. "Tristan can you hear me?", Aragorn asked me while taking a look at my wound.

I nodded weakly and grinned

_They're as cold as ice  
>They're willing to sacrifice our love<br>and now they got me froze  
>I said they got me froze<br>because they're so c-cold  
>They left me cold tonight<em>

"At least you haven't lost your humor yet", Aragorn smiled.

Then he turned to the hobbits. "Frodo, Merry, Pippin: You make sure Tristan stays warm! Take all the blankets you can gather and wrap him up! Sam, you're with me!"

Aragorn and Sam left while the other three halflings were running around like flushed chickens, trying to find anything that could make do as a blanket. In the meantime I decided to asses the situation. We were in a forrest. Nothing spectacular, it was on the way to Rivindell and we had to walk through it when we wanted to avoid the highway but when I looked up I let out a scream. There was a troll looking at me. It took me some time to realise that it was turned into stone (I still blame the bad lighting; it was pitchblack that 'morning'). The three hobbits were by my side the moment they heard me. "Are you alright?", Merry asked worried. "Stone troll..." I complained hardly able to speak.

Suddenly a light approached us. Or a person surrounded by light to be exact. When the light faded I could see that it was Arwen. She said some elvish stuff and I felt how my blood got a bit warmer. Out of nowhere Aragorn was by my side and put some leaves inside my wound. It hurt like hell but after the pain had passed my head seemed to be clearer.

"He won't make it much longer. We have to get him to my father now", Arwen said after she had looked at my wound, "I can take him with me and once we're in Rivindell I'll send you horses."

"Bad idea", I said grumpily. I hated it when people talked about me while I was right next to them.

Arwen looked at me surprisedly. "In your condition you shouldn't be able to talk anymore!"

"Trust me, you can't stop him from talking", Aragorn smiled and picked me up. Another thing that I hated to death was being carried by people. But in this particular situation there really wasn't an alternative.  
>Strider sat me on Arwen's horse and Arwen and he discussed who was going to ride with me.<p>

"Frodo... Ring... First", I remarked but it didn't seem as if anyone heard me.

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><p><strong>The first song is 'Abschied nehmen' Xavier Naidoo. It's a really bad song but everyone (in Germany) knows the lyrics and it's always a lot of fun to sing the song when someone is about to leave. It makes the whole situation awkward... The translation is:<strong>

_**I wanted to say good-bye**_

_**I will never be able to forgive myself**_

_**Man, how could you leave us?**_

_**Now I'm supposed to never see you again**_

**The other song is B.o.B with 'Cold as Ice'. The original is from Foreigner but B.o.B's lyrics fitted better.**

**And as usual please review or fav or add to your story alerts or whatever you can do with it... Appreciation makes me write much faster ;-)**

**Also sorry about my rant about exponential multiplying. My inner engineering geek showed ;-)**


	3. Chapter 3

_So... here is part 3/6/whatever._

_Again I would like to say thanks to summersidefolly for her great advice!_

_Also: some swearing again, but this time it's Jon Lajoie's fault ;-)  
><em>

* * *

><p>I have no idea what happened after that. The next thing I remembered was waking up in a huge, comfy bed. It was warm, the sun was shining and I could hear the birds sing.<p>

"Am I dead?", I asked.

"No, you are very much alive", someone answered.

Surprised, I opened my eyes. Gandalf was sitting at my bedside, smiling as I sat up.

"You are in Rivindell. Lord Elrond saved you when you were on the brink of passing over into their world", Gandalf explained when he saw my quizzical look.

"And you're sitting at my bed because...?", I asked, "I don't want to sound rude or anything. I just wondered…"

Gandalf chuckled. "You asked for me", he said.

"No I didn't?" Why did other people always know more about me than I did?

"You talk in your sleep..."

"Oh!" Noone had ever mentioned that to me. There was going to be serious trouble for my family if I got back home! "What did I say?"

"Not much. You asked for me frequently and from time to time you sang."

Oops! That was embarassing. I was an acceptable singer but my repertoire included some rather bad songs...

"What did I sing?", I asked terrified.

"It was hard to make out... Something with 'chasing through the yard'", Gandalf answered, slighty confused.

_I'll chase you through the yard  
>And all through the house into the dark<br>__Oh I want to steal your heart  
>And eat your brain<br>I've never been so true  
>But if my heart were still beating<br>It would beat for you  
>Oh I want to steal your heart<br>And eat your brain_

"That one?"

"Yes. That is it", Gandalf nodded.

I sighed with relief. Not ideal but I could have been much worse. "So, can we talk?", I cut to the chase.

"Not now. Lord Elrond wants to talk to you as well. He arranged for a meeting this afternoon. Now you have to rest. I also understand that there are four hobbits eagerly awaiting your recovery."

"Are they alright?", I asked, worried.

"Yes. They all made it safely to Rivindell. But for further details you have to ask them yourself." Gandalf got up, about to leave the room. "Oh and by the way, they are on the terraces."

Once Gandalf was gone I took a closer look at my surrounding. I obviously was in Rivindell and it was beautiful! Everythting was exactly like the movies but there were so many little things that I hadn't noticed while watching the films.

When I was finished absorbing every detail of the room, I got up and dressed myself with the clothes lying on a nightstand next to my bed. The pants were brown and the shirt was mint green. There were shoes as well but I decided against them (going barefeet being good for your health and all).

_Back in black  
><em>_I hit the sack  
>I've been too long I'm glad to be back<em>

I had arrived on the terrace where the hobbits were discussing me, not realizing I was standing right behind them. When they heard me singing, they turned around. They all had huge grins on their faces and Pippin and Merry decided to tackle-hug me.

"Hi lil'uns" I grinned back laying on the ground.

"Are you alright?", Frodo asked, laughing at the little fight that had broken out between Merry and Pippin and me.

"Yeah, I'm great!", I answered while tickling Pippin so he would let go of my legs.

"Don't tickle Pippin!", Merry warned me and pinned both my arms on the ground leaving me unable to move.

"I see you're well and already at the top of your fighting abilities", I heard a voice say and then Aragorn's head appeared above mine.

Merry and Pippin let go of me instantly and Aragorn held out his hand to help me get up. I took it and once I stood I gave him a big hug.

"Glad to know you're okay."

For a second Aragorn just stood there confusedly but then he hugged me back and said: "So am I."

"So... Did anything interesting happen while I was out?", I asked after I let go of Aragorn.

"No, not really. We were busy taking care of you and you will hear about the rest at the dinner tonight", he answered.

"What dinner? Why aren't we invited?", Pippin asked curiously and slighty insulted.

"Sorry. They've got height restrictions", I joked which earned me another attack from Merry and Pippin.

"I guess I better leave you to yourselves...", Aragorn smiled and left, leaving me to fight Merry and Pippin by myself.

"Thanks a lot!", I yelled after him but he didn't seem to have heard.

After the sparring with Merry and Pip, I had gone to take bath. It felt great and within seconds I was dozing off. I woke up when someone cleared their throat. Ready to fight for my life I jumped up facing the intruder.

A female elf was standing in front of me. She had long dark hair and was wearing a comparatively casual, light blue dress. Her eyes were fixed on mine. I looked at her, utterly confused as to why she was doing that.

"You are naked", she helped me.

"Oh! Sorry", I mumbled, turning red of embarassement, covered my private parts with my hands and started looking for a towel.

"Here", the elf said and held a towel under my nose. I quickly grabbed it and put it around my waist.

"I'm Tristan, by the way."

"I know."

"Okay... You're propably here because of the dinner, right?"

The elf nodded. "I am here to escort you to Lord Elrond's dining hall."

"Thanks!" I stepped out of the bathtub und wanted to get dressed when I noticed that something was missing. My clothes were gone! I had put them right next to the tub but they weren't there anymore. "Uhm... My clothes...", I started.

The elf laughed and gave me some folded clothes. "The ones you were given this morning were dirty so I brought you new ones."

When I was dressed the elf lead me to the council.

"Is there any possibility that they have meat?", I asked.

The elf smiled but didn't answer.

When we arrived at a great hall my guide bowed and left. I entered and everybody's heads turned to me. Gandalf, Aragorn, Elrond and some other elf were sitting at a table and had interrupted eating their dinner.

"Cheers", I greeted them and took the empty chair next to Aragorn.

"Can I...?", I asked Elrond shyly.

"Yes yes, of course. Eat as much as you want", he answered friendlyly.

And so I did. They did have meat and it was delicious. Especially considering that I hadn't gotten a propper dinner since I landed in Middle Earth. That stuff I had gotten in Bree was okay for eating purposes but it did taste rather badly.

When I was finished eating, Elrond stood up. "Now that all of you have eaten, I suggest we begin. As everyone of you is aware, Tristan here has helped bringing the ring to Rivindell. However, no one knows anything about you." Elrond was now looking at me. I gave him a 'that's not my fault'-look back. "While we all very much appreciate your commitment, we feel that it is our obligation to research your background to exclude the possibility that you pose a threads to the free people of Middle Earth."

"Wait", I chimed in, "not wanting to be rude but who are you?" I looked at the elf sitting next to Elrond.

"My name is Erestor and I am Lord Elrond's head counselor", the elf answered slightly insulted.

"Nice job!", I complimented him which earned me irritated looks from both Elrond and Erestor.

"Now, Tristan would you like to share your past with us?"

"Is there a rule here, that every male elf's first name has to start with 'E'?", I asked.

"Don't evade my question", Elrond warned me. He looked pretty annoyed.

"Tristan, please!", Aragorn said with a serious voice but I could tell that he was trying really hard to hide his smile.

"Maybe I don't want to talk about it?", I answered, offended.

"That is not up to you", Elrond said slightly threatening.

"Look guys, I really appreciate you saving my life and everything but I really don't want to talk about it. Also, it's not really any of your business. This isn't a job interview and I'm actually not really intending to stay for very long!", I said, this time really pissed.

What should I tell them? That I came from another world, where they made a movie about what was going to happen. They would either think that I'm completely nuts or that I was on Sauron's side, trying to confuse them.

"Do you always say 'really' that often?", Erestor asked calmly.

"What?", I asked completely confused.

"I was just wondering why you use the word 'really so often in your speech", Erestor said still smiling.

I stared silently at Erestor not knowing how to respond to that. Had he really just pwned me? An elf?

"Have you calmed down?", Elrond asked after a second of complete silence.

"I was never not calm", I said.

"Now, we understand your current situation is new to you...", Elrond tried again.

"You have no idea", I mumbled.

"...but it is crucial to our quest that no one knows about it, except for those who are directly involved. And therefore we have to make sure that you will under no circumstances be the reason for our discovery."

"Look, I really..." I glared at Erestor who wanted to grin but decided against it when he caught my look. "...don't want to insult you or anything but my life is really of no interest to you. I am Tristan and I willingly put my life on the line to help destroy the ring and that is really all you should need to know. Also, there is really noone I could tell about your 'quest' anyways." This time Erestor couldn't restrain himself and he got a wide grin on his face. "Oi E2D2, stop it or I'll make you stop", I glared at him.

Everyone looked at me, completely surprised by my sudden outburst of aggression.

"What? He's totally annoying and rude!", I tried to defend myself.

Surprisingly, Elrond agreed with me. "The boy is right, Erestor. He is a guest in this house and irrespective of his behavior we have to treat him with as much respect as we treat everyone else."

"Oh, snap!", I said gloatingly.

"That doesn't mean that you're allowed to behave as you just did", Elrond said to me, "you are not five years old. Act your age, please!"

I sat back looking offended. But he was right. I WAS acting like a little child. It was fun, no doubt but it was incredibly rude, especially in the current political climate... "Look guys, you're right, I'm behaving like an idiot. But the truth is, I have absolutely no idea who I am or how I ended up here in Middle Earth. I woke up on some field a few months ago and I couldn't remember anything about myself but my name."

_Yo MC Amnesia up in this bitch  
>Woke up five days ago lying in a ditch<br>Didn't know who I was I couldn't remember shit  
>Apparently something happened that was traumatic<br>I used to have more rhymes but I can't remember them  
>Seriously I'm freaking out I can't remember anything!<br>Whats my motherfucking name?  
>Seriously does anyone know what my name is?<em>

And again, everyone stared at me in disbelief. I was only quietly singing to myself so that no human could make out what I was singing but I had completely forgotten that elves had much better hearing than humans.

"I'm really, really sorry but I've been waiting for the right moment to sing that song for 1 year", I excused myself, turning red, "I'm normal now."

A round of collective face-palming ensued.

"Since you don't seem to able to recall your past, the question is: How did you know the hobbits' names? And why did you ask for Gandalf when you were unconcious?", Elrond asked.

"Well concerning your first question: I heard the hobbits talk amongst themselves and caught their names. And concerning your second question: I have absolutely no clue. I was unconcious...", I lied trying to sound as convincing as possible.

Elrond nodded but I couldn't make out if he was believing me or not.

"Is there absolutely nothing from your past that you can recall?", Elrond asked.

"As I said: I woke up 3 months ago and I didn't remember anything but my name and some general stuff."

"In this case I guess that this meeting was unnecessary", Elrond concluded with a long sigh.

After a few seconds of awkward silence Gandalf spoke up: "If you do not mind Lord Elrond, I suggest we all retire."

Elrond nodded and we all got up.

Gandalf waited for me at the entrance. "I got the feeling that there were some things you did not want to tell us?", he asked but I knew that there was no way I could escape our conversation.

"Yeah kinda... Your place or my place?", I grinned.

Gandalf looked at me confused but decided to better not ask about it. He simply started walking. We were walking through the forrest for about ten minutes when Gandalf finally started: "Now, would you like to tell me how you came to aid Aragorn and the hobbits?"

I hesitated for a moment. "Well, this is gonna sound really weird..." Gandalf looked at me promptly "Okay. I warned you though. I am from another world. Atlanta, Georgia in the United States of America to be exact. 3 Months ago I was writing an essay for school when suddenly everything around me went black. When I woke up, I was laying on some field near Bree so I decided to go there and I guess Aragorn told you the rest."

"When you are from another world, how come that you know so much about Middle Earth? Aragorn mentioned to me that sometimes he had the feeling that you knew what was going to happen before it did."

"In my world, Middle Earth and the Ring War are just a stories written about 55 years ago. There have been movies, plays, about it, too. Practically everyone knows what's gonna happen."

Gandalf nodded slightly. He was thinking about what I had said but I couldn't make out how he felt about it. "So you do know whether our quest will be successfull?"

"Yeah, well... I mean I interfered with your timeline when I joined the Hobbits and Aragorn, so I don't know if the outcome I have read will become reality here..."

And again Gandalf nodded without revealing what he was thinking. "The way I see it, it is propably for the best when you do not mention your origin and especially your knowledge of us to anyone."

I nodded. I totally agreed with him. Everyone who had watched as much Sci-Fi as I did, knew that altering the past/future/alternate world/whatever this was could possibly lead to a rupture in the Space-Time-Continuum.

"I presume you have some questions as well?", Gandalf disturbed my apocalypse theories.

"Kinda... I doubt that you know the answer but why, how and what should I do?"

Gandalf smiled kindly. "I can not tell you why and how but I presume that the Valar played a part in your arrival at this time of need..."

"I figured that as well", I agreed.

"Concerning your future actions I really cannot help you. You have changed the future already by aiding Frodo therefore the future might already completely different from the stories you read. However I must ask you to act with caution when you change the course of things. I do not know what the results would be and to be honest I would be glad to not find out."

I smiled. "Same here."

"If you do not have any more questions I suggest we leave this place and you go to sleep. You are not fully recovered yet and the coming days will be very stressful."

Pretty disappointed by what Gandalf had told me, I went back to my room (after getting lost a couple of times) and instantly fell asleep on the bed, fully clothed

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><p><strong>The songs are:<strong>

**Your favorite Martian – Zombie Love Song**

**AC/DC – Back in black**

**Jon Lajoie - WTF Collective**

**And as usual please review or fav or add to your story alerts or whatever you can do with my story... Appreciation makes me write much faster ;-)**


	4. Chapter 4

_First of all a HUGE THANK YOU to SuddenSummerStorm for reviewing and subscribing and to Tiara d'Cullen for reviewing, subscribing AND faving. You made my entire week!_

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><p>I spent the next few days hanging out with the hobbits and training with Aragorn. He had decided that I needed to become a god at sword fighting and archery even though I told him more than once that I had absolutely no intention to stay for very long. Somehow, not just he but everyone else didn't seem to care that I wanted to leave as soon as possible. Whenever I brought up the subject everyone became uncomfortable and told me that I hadn't fully recovered yet and therefore they couldn't let me go.<p>

After weeks of daily training and nearly no social contacts except for the hobbits, Aragorn and Gandalf, I decided to speak to Elrond. When I had finally found his chambers I stood in front of his door for about a minute before I knocked.

I hadn't been that nervous since my first game as starting lineman in my high school's football team. I had been a freshman for two months and both my coach and I didn't want me to play but the two other linemen were injured and there was noone else. We barely won and after the game I had run to the bathroom to puke my soul out.

"Come in", I heard Elrond say. He sounded quite busy and annoyed.

I entered the room and walked up to Elrond who sat at a huge table looking at a bunch of maps.

"What is it, my child?", he asked without looking up, after I silently stood next to him for a moment.

"My Lord Elrond, I wish to speak to you regarding my stay in your kingdom", I said shyly.

Elrond sighed and looked at me. "Would you care to join me for a walk? I will go mad if I have to look at these maps any longer"

"Yes mylord. I gladly would", I answered.

Elrond led the way and we went into the gardens. "What troubles you, my child?", he asked, when we sat down on a bench that was conveniently standing in the middle of a lawn.

"Well... I never planned to stay at your place. Don't get me wrong. It's really nice here and everyone treats me with respect but I don't belong here", I tried to smile weakly. "You want to know why we do not want you to leave this realm, I presume?"

"Yes mylord. I feel great and the training with Aragorn has made me much stronger than I ever was before I came here. I am only a burden to you and your people, eating your food, wearing your clothes and

sleeping in your beds without being able to give you anything in return."

Elrond gave me a warm smile and layed his hand on my shoulder. "You, Tristan, will never be a burden to anyone here in this house. You risked your own life for that of Frodo Baggins without thinking about it twice. You are the reason we can now sit here and discuss this matter. Without you, Sauron would most likely have the ring already and we all would do our best to abandon this lands and flee for our life. The reason why we don't want you to leave just yet I cannot tell you at the moment but you will find out soon."

I sighed. "Look, mylord, I think I know the reason and can I just say that, thank you, but I don't want to."

Elrond looked at me, surprised. "How would you know what is to come? Did you speak to Gandalf?"

I shrugged with my shoulders. "Yeah, kinda... You could say so... But don't tell him that I told you or he'll come and rip my head off."

"Do not worry. No word will pass my lips", Elrond reassured me, "I suggest we better not talk about it at all until the day is come. But I must ask you to stay here until the matter is settled."

"But when will that day come? And please don't say 'soon' for 'soon' is a very elastic term."

Elrond smiled. "No. I assure you that all will be resolved in one week. Is there anything else? I do not wish to rush our conversation but as much as I dread it I must get back to prepare our further actions."

"No, there is nothing more that I can think of..."

Elrond nodded and got up to leave.

"Lord Elrond...", I asked.

"Yes?"

"There is one thing... You were at the battle of the last alliance versus Sauron, right?"

"Yes"

"And you saw Sauron"

"Yes?"

"Shouldn't he have been invisible?"

Elrond was completely flabergasted. "I do not know... To be honest, I have never thought about that... Once I have time I will see if there are any explanations in the archives", he answered once he had regained his composure.

I nodded and Elrond went his way.

Elrond kept his promise. Not the looking-up-Sauron-part but the announcing-the-council-part. A few days later at breakfast he announced that the next day, a secret council would be held and I was invited.

When I arrived at the pavillon where the meeting was held, only a few other people were already there.

"Is there a seating plan or something?", I shyly asked Elrond who was standing nearby.

"No. You can sit wherever you want", Elrond answered.

I nodded and took the place next to Aragorn.

The other guests took their time so I started tipping my feet but I was immediately stopped by Aragorn who put his hands on my thighs.

"So... You're first secret council to decide the faith of Middle Earth as well?", I asked not a minute later. Aragorn just gave me an annoyed look and then went on staring into nothing.

"Why isn't Arwen here?", I tried to get his attention again.

"She wasn't invited", Aragorn answered.

"Yeah, I figured that. But why?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you, like, talk or something? I mean you're a couple."

"We do talk but we didn't talk about the council at all", Aragorn finally said, ending the conversation.

When everyone had taken their seats, Elrond stood up to begin the meeting. "Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor. Middle Earth stands upon the brink of destruction. None can escape it. You will unite or you will fall. Each race is bound to this fate, this one doom. Bring forth the ring, Frodo."

Hesitantely, Frodo stepped up to the table in the middle of the pavillon and placed the ring on it. Everyone gasped in shock.

Boromir was the first to be able to speak: "So it is true!"

"Sauron's ring! The ring of power!", Legolas exclaimed in disbelief.

"The doom of man!", Gimli said, feeling like he had to say something as well.

I face-palmed. It was just a ring after all. Yes it might be evil but it was A RING. And honestly, why would Elrond call a meeting if there was no ring?

"It is a gift. A gift to the foes of Mordor! Why not use this Ring? Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor, held the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe. Give Gondor the weapon of the enemy. Let us use it against him!", I heard Boromir say and got close to either crying or laughing. This was the part, where when I watched the movies I yelled at the screen and tried to tell the characters to get their at together and stop behaving like toddlers. Somewhere far away, everyone was fighting about who Aragorn was and why we couldn't use the ring while I decided that trying to remember the complete lyrics to 'Love the Way you lie' was much more important and interesting. I zoomed back in, when I heard Gimli's axe crash on the ring and shatter in thousand pieces.

"The ring cannot be destroyed, Gimli, son of Gloin, by any craft that we here possess", Elrond mocked Gimli who was laying on the floor, "The ring was made in the fires of Mount Doom. Only there can it be unmade. It must be taken deep into Mordor, and cast back into the fiery chasm from whence it came. One of you must do this."

I sighed. Quite early after watching the movies, I had decided to blame Elrond for everything that happened since the last battle of the last alliance. He could've just shoved Isildur into Mount Doom but instead he had decided that yelling at him and from then on blaming all Dúnedain was better.

"One does not simply walk into Mordor!", Boromir said after a moment of awkward silence.

"Chuck Norris does", I mumbled and silently chuckled to myself.

"Its black gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust. The very air you breathe is a poisonous fume. Not with ten thousand men could you do this. It is folly." Boromir was in his element making everybody feel even more uncomfortable.

"Have you heard nothing Lord Elrond has said? The ring must be destroyed", Legolas countered, still pretty pissed from the argument before.

"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it?", Gimli answered, obviously not very happy with the thought of any elf taking the ring.

"Why not haul the ring into Mordor? OVER Sauron's defenses?" I couldn't take it anymore and had stood up. Everyone looked at me as if I was completely insane while I was trying really hard not to start laughing.

"How would you accomplish this plan?", Elrond finally asked to break the awkward silence.

"Catapult!", I grinned. Elrond face-palmed. "No, but honestly couldn't we just ask the eagles if they could fly someone to Mount Doom? That really shouldn't be that impossible. I mean, if Sauron gets the ring the Eagles are in as deep... have to suffer as much as anyone else."

Elrond looked surprised. "That is actually a really good idea. However, the eagles left Middle Earth for Valinor a few months ago", he said, sounding sorry to have to reject my suggestion.

"No they haven't."

"Yes they have."

"But didn't Gandalf get saved by one when he was Saruman's prisoner?"

Elrond looked to Gandalf for help.

"You are right, my child. This particular eagle however was on its way to Valinor when he heard that I needed help. He followed his people once I landed safely here in Rivindell", Gandalf explained.

"Wait! So you're saying that the eagles know that another Ring War is about to break out but instead of helping the people of Middle Earth which they would be great at by the way, they decided to leave? That's complete bullshit!" I had originally planned to behave accordingly during the council but honestly? That was pretty messed up. And didn't the eagles save Frodo from the volcano at the end? I sat back down and watched the inevitable fight evolve.

When he couldn't take it anymore, Frodo got up and proclaimed: "I will take it." Sadly for him noone listened.

So I got up and whistled. "Oi! Frodo wants to say something so shut up!" Immediately everyone stopped talking and looked at me and then at Frodo.

"I will take it. I will take the ring to Mordor", Frodo repeated. "Though, I do not know the way...", he silently added.

"I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, as long as it is yours to bear", Gandalf said kindly and stood behind Frodo.

Next to me, Aragorn who was besides Frodo and me the only one to not get involved in the argument, got up and announced: "If, by my life or death, I can protect you, I will." He then knelt down and added: "You have my sword."

"And you have my bow", Legolas said and joined the three

"And my axe", Gimli announced.

"And my good looks and superior intelligence", I joked and took my place next to Gimli, "It's not as if I have something better to do anyways..."

Then, it was Boromir's turn: "If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done."

Out of nowhere, Sam appeared. "Mr. Frodo's not gong anywhere without me", he announced and stood right beside his employer.

"No, Indeed...it is hardly possible to separate you...even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not", Elrond said partly ammused and partly annoyed.

"Oi! We're coming too! You'll have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us", Merry yelled as Pippin and he appeared from behind some columns.

While Gandalf seemed to find the hobbits' behaviour quite endearing, Elrond was close to crying.

"Anyway, you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission...quest...thing...", Pippin added causing collective face-palming.

"Well, that rules you out, Pip", Merry got back at him.

"Nice one!", I complimented Merry and we high fived. Elrond looked as if he was about to have a breakdown any second.

"One ring bearer and nine companions ... so be it. You shall be the 'Fellowship of the Ring'", he announced when had calmed down a bit.

It only lasted for a few moments though, then Pippin asked: "Great. Where are we going?" That earned him a smack on the back of his head from me and a few insults from Merry and Sam.

After the council there were still two weeks of planning and preparing ahead of us. I dreaded every second of it. The more days passed the more did I regret to come with the fellowship. I had no idea what was gonna happen now that I changed the course of history. And I wasn't exactly qualified as protector of the hobbits. What had I thought when I announced that I'd come with them?  
>Luckily, the daily training with Aragorn and occasionally Legolas and Boromir helped putting me off of things. Besides that, I had made it my declared mission to teach Merry and Pippin all the songs I knew and they did the same as well.<p>

On the day of our departure everyone was super-nervous. Merry and Pippin were hyperactive, Frodo and Sam didn't talk, Aragorn was running around deeply depressed and the rest were doing their best to act normal. Only Gandalf seemed to be absolutely untouched by the situation. I was passing my time by singing every song I knew, which most likely annoyed everyone around me.  
>That evening we had finally packed everything and left. The farewell was pretty unspectacular. A few elves inluding Elrond and Arwen accompanied us to the southern gate of Rivindell and from then on, we were on our own.<p>

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><p><strong>Well, no songs this time, only references...<strong>

**Anyways, keep them reviews comin' ;-) I really appreciate every feedback, positive or negative (as long as it's productive)**


	5. Chapter 5

_This time thanks go to Luna Elen for reviewing and Corndwag12 for faving the story and the encouraging pm._

_Because some people asked about it: I'm neither a guy, nor do I live in Atlanta. At the moment I'm at Uni in Germany, but the idea for the fic is about three years old and at that time I was staying in Atlanta (only for a few weeks though) and I was one of those tomboy-ish girls who regretted being a girl because they wanted to be on a football-team but couldn't because they would only allow guys..._

_I hope that that doesn't stop you from reading though :-)_

_Anyways, here is some suffering for Tristan because I felt like it ;-)_

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><p>The first few days of the journey were pretty uneventful. We were just walking south and from time to time made camp to sleep and eat something. I had gotten myself a sunburn after two days and was now as red as a tomato. Aragorn seemed to find that quite amusing while I was mumbling about getting skin cancer. Except for Merry and Pippin, we didn't talk much. In the evenings, Boromir gave the hobbits sword lessons and I hung out with Legolas who was trying to help me improve my archery skills. Being an elf and all, I was supposed to be quite good at it but somehow I just couldn't get the hang of it.<p>

One faithful evening, we sat up camp on some white rocks. At first, I didn't think too much about it but when I watched Boromir training the hobbits, it dawned on me what was going to happen.

"Hide! Now!", I yelled and started packing everyones stuff and hiding it.

The other guys looked at me confusedly but Gandalf immediately went along: "You heard what he said. Put out the fire and hide everything."

Within seconds we were all lying under some bushes, waiting for something to happen. We waited, and waited...

"Why are we hiding?", Pippin asked which was answered with 'shushs' from the rest.

I nearly stood up to declare false alarm when I spotted the cloud. I pulled Sam and Frodo who were hiding with me, closer to me to indicate that it got serious. We watched the flock of Crebains pass over us and prayed to God/Iluvatar that they didn't see us.

"How did you know?", Boromir asked when the immediate danger was averted.

"I'm an elf, remeber?", I answered.

"But I spotted them much later than you did", Legolas said, clearly disappointed that he failed to see the crows as early as I did. I looked to Gandalf and Aragorn, the only ones who had an idea of how I knew. Gandalf knew exactly what was going on, while we had decided to tell Aragorn that I occasionally saw the near future. Both didn't help me though and only gave me intransparent looks. "Well, I had luck. Or maybe your eyesight gets worse with age, like the men's", I said and grinned at Legolas. The elf didn't seem satisfied with that answer but he let it go and went to help the hobbits.

"We cannot take the passage south for it is watched. We must take the pass of Caradhras!", Gandalf declared and then looked at me for approval. I just shrug and because noone else had any objections we made our way to the mountain.

Not much later I hated myself to agree with Gandalf. We were walking through knee high snow and none of us had anything with them that would keep them warm for very long. All we had were our clothes and the capes. The fact that I wasn't used to snow, especially in that amount didn't help at all. I silently cursed my mum and her decision to move to Georgia instead of Stockholm.  
>Suddenly I saw Frodo rolling past me. "You lost something!", I said while the hobbit was stopped by Aragorn. Boromir had picked up the ring and stared at it.<p>

"It is a strange fate that we...", he started.

"Yeah, I totally agree with everything you want to say but you really shouldn't get that close to the ring", I quickly interrupted Boromir and took the ring out of his hand. Everyone looked at me in surprise as I gave the ring back to Frodo. "You really should learn to take care of your stuff. I can't always run after you and clean up", I said and smiled at him.

Not much later, the snow had gotten so high that Boromir, Aragorn and me had to carry the hobbits. Boromir had taken Marry and Pip, Aragorn Frodo and I Sam. "Sam, why are you so fat? When we're off this mountain, I'm gonna have a herniated disc", I complained.

"I am not fat", Sam said defensively.

"Look around you my friend. Except Gimli and you, there is noone with a beer belly. And Gimli is supposed to have one. You however are not!"

"There is a fell voice in the air", Legolas interrupted our banter. Our acting white wizard of choice was casting his spells.

"It's Saruman", Gandalf and me said at the same time. Gandalf sounded actually worried while I was simply annoyed. I had thought that the Crowbrains hadn't noticed us when we hid from them but oviously, I was wrong.

"Get close to the cliff!", I screamed over the storm that had started. Right in that moment a surge of rocks and snow fell from above and landed exactly where we had been standing a second earlier.

"He's trying to bring down the mountain. Gandalf! We must turn back!", Aragorn yelled against the wind

Gandalf didn't think so and chanted into the wind but I knew that it wasn't gonna work anyways.

"Gandalf, we really should turn back", I urgend him as well but he didn't listen.

Out of frustration I started singing

_Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart  
>Mmmmmm, we'd never be apart<br>Mmmmmm, give yourself to me  
>Mmmmmm, you hold the key<em>

For some reason, while I was singing I felt warmer and it seemed as if the wind got weaker. When I was looking around me I saw that I wasn't the only one who thought that. Gandalf had stopped chanting and everyone stared at me. Apparently, Madonna was a witch after all. I knew it!

"How did you do that?", Gandalf asked curiously.

"I have no...", I started but was interrupted by the crack of a lightning as it exploded somewhere above us. Everyone threw themselves even closer to the cliff but I was too slow. I had managed to throw Sam in the general direction but before I could follow, tons of snow crashed down on me. I was yanked off my feet and hurled around until I lost any sense of direction. All around me was snow mixed with some stones. It was freezing but somehow I got gradually warmer until I had the urge to rip off my clothes because I was sweating so much. I would have done so, had I been able to move. Slowly I drifted into unconciousness, not only because of the cold but also because the little oxygen that was in my 'hole' was running out.

"Tristan!", I heard the muffled sound of someone talking to me and then I was pulled out of the snow. Someone was shaking me and brushed the snow off my clothes. I looked at him but everything was a blur and I couldn't make out who he was. When the man let me go, my legs refused to hold my weighed and I slumped down. Again, the men's arms held me steady. "Tristan! Wake up!", I heard him yell. This time it seemed to come from closer to me.  
>Then someone lifted me up and carried me. I cuddled against him to get a bit warmer and then I fell asleep.<p>

When I woke up, it was surprisingly warm and pitch black night. I was tightly curled up in blankets and lay on grass. Slowly, I unpacked myself and decided to stand up. I was a little bit wobbly on my feet, but I didn't collapse again.

"You're awake", someone noted from behind me.

I turned around. Aragorn was sitting on a rock and smoked his pipe. He smiled at me and seemed relieved that I was up.

"Are you on guard duty?", I asked.

Aragorn nodded.

"What happened?", I asked and sat next to him.

"Well, when the snow came down, you were completely buried under it and it took us long to find you. When we finally had pulled you out, you were so cold that you couldn't even stand anymore. Frodo then decided that we should try for Moria and Boromir carried you all the way until we set up camp here", Aragorn said

"How long ago is that?"

"Nearly two days."

"I guess I have to thank Boromir tomorrow morning then", I said and leaned against Aragorn's shoulder and dozed off.

Only a few moments later, I woke up with a start. "Did you hear that?", I asked Aragorn.

"No, what was it?", he asked concernedly and scanned the horizon for any dangers.

"I think I heard wolves howl", I said and went to get my sword.

Then there was another howl. This time it was much louder and very close to us. Aragorn and me woke up the rest and we formed a defensive circle. There were about twenty wolves slowly approaching us.

"Good dogs", I tried to calm them down.

"Wolves can smell fear so stay strong", Gandalf said.

"You are so funny!", I replied but tried to appear confident.

The wolves seemed to notice that I could barely stand and was absolutely terrified of them. Their leader barked something and two wolves jumped at me. I already saw my face get eaten, when I heard a thump and saw a blade cut off one of the wolves' head. Legolas had shot one of my attackers and Boromir had killed the other one. Now, havoc broke loose. The wolves attacked all at once and most of them seemed to be particularly interested in me. Boromir and Aragorn did their best to defend me and I hacked as much as I could as well. Suddenly I heard a yowl and the leader of the pack fell on his side. Somehow, Legolas had managed to shoot him and the remaining few wolves decided to retreat rather quickly.

"Fellowship 1 – Wolves 0. We won you loosers", I yelled after them and kicked a dead wolf which was laying nearby, insulted him pretty badly and then started singing.

_Who let the dogs out?  
>Who-who-who-who-who<br>_

"Are you alright?", Aragorn asked.

"Yeah, I'm great", I answered and then lost conciousness.

"You are afraid of wolves, aren't you?", Aragorn asked when I woke up. I was laying on my sleeping mat and Aragorn was standing next to me. His hands were dirty with wolf blood and a few feet behind him, I saw Boromir and Legolas piling up the dead bodies.

"Shouldn't everyone be? They are pretty mean animals", I said.

"You're right but I meant that you are terrified of them beyond rationality", Aragorn specified.

"Yeah... Well... Not just wolves to be honest. You could get one of those furry rats and I would jump ship", I admitted.

"Furry rats?"

"Yeah, those really really small dogs where you have to be careful not to step on them", I explained.

Aragorn looked at me, trying very hard to stay serious but then he broke out laughing.

"That's not funny!", I complained.

"Yes it is. You, the elf who, without hesitation jumped in a Morgul Blade to save someone he barely knew is afraid of dogs"

"No it's not!" I looked to Gandalf and Boromir for help but they were chuckling as well. Then, we all started laughing out loud. We weren't laughing at me but it was just the relief that everyone, especially me, was okay.

"Does anyone care for some breakfast?", Sam asked when we all had pulled ourselves together. He was frying sausages and potatoes and they smelled delicious.

Before I could try to get up, Boromir put a full plate in my hands. "Here. You need to eat", he said and sat down next to me.

"Thanks", I mumbled, half a sausage already in my mouth. I hadn't eaten real food in days. On Caradhras we had only eaten fruit and stuff because it had been too cold for a fire and the rest of the time I was unconcious during meal time.

"Aragorn told me, you carried me all the way down from the mountain...", I said.

Boromir nodded

".. and you saved my ass during the wolf attack a bunch of times. Thanks a lot for that. I owe you one big time."

Boromir smiled. "You're welcome. Just don't try to make it a habit."

"I really wasn't planning to", I grinned.

After breakfast we started for Moria. I still wasn't fit for walking long distances but I knew that if we stayed any longer it would only get more dangerous for us. So I joined the line in the back, right behind Aragorn.

For about twenty minutes everything was fine. I was exhausted quickly but I could keep up with Gandalf's pace. Then I reached the breaking point. I simply couldn't walk anymore. Everytime I took a step, my legs wobbled and I nearly fell. It was absolutely frustrating. The rest of the fellowship got smaller and small as I was crawling after them until they disappeared completely behind a hill. I could have said that I still wasn't at the top of my strengh but I was much too proud to admit that. Instead I told myself that I would catch up with them when they reached Moria. Gandalf would take his time to find the password for the door and those ten to twenty minutes were enough for me.

That plan was axed when I saw Aragorn and Boromir coming towards me.

"Hi guys. What are you looking for?", I greeted them innocently when they were standing in front of me.

"What happened? Why didn't you say something when you were falling behind?", Aragorn asked worriedly.

"Well, firstly we couldn't afford to slow down and secondly, ever heard of 'pride'? I'm an elf. I'm supposed to be badass. Right now, I'm not", I answered extremely frustrated.

"Well, you're pride isn't going to help you when you're dead. Now come on!", Boromir said and tried to lift me.

"Don't carry me! I'm neither six-years-old nor a woman. I can walk on my own!", I protested.

"At least let me support you", Boromit asked and put his arm around my waist.

I grumped for a bit but I knew that I couldn't fight Boromir, even when I was in top form so I just went along with it. We got ahead quite fast and when the sun went down, we could see the fire of the fellowship's camp not twenty minutes away. For the whole way, noone spoke a word. Boromir and Aragorn didn't speak much anyways and I felt much to bad to speak. I was sweating as if I was in the tropics and felt absolutely nauseous.

"Hold on. We will be with the others in no time", Boromir tried to lift up my spirits. At that time he was pretty much dragging me along because I didn't even have the strength to lift my feet. Being the nobleman he was however, he didn't mention it and didn't attempt to carry me because he knew full well that it would make me feel even more like a loser.

When we arrived at the camp, the others had already eaten supper but they had left some for Boromir, Aragorn and me. Boromir offered me a plate but I excused myself under the disguise of having to use the loo and disappeared behind a bush. But instead of peeing I puked my guts out. Suddenly I felt a hand pressing against my forehead and I heard Aragorn speaking comfortingly to me. When I was empty, Aragorn infused me water and then gave me some leave to chew on. It tasted a bit like peppermint and eliminated the foul taste in my mouth. Then, Aragorn picked me up and carried me to my sleeping mat.

"Tomorrow, you're not going to walk. You will ride Bill. No discussion!", Aragorn ordered.

I nodded weakly, having no strengh to be against anything at all and instantly fell asleep.

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><p><strong>The songs are Madonna with 'Frozen' and the Baha Men with 'Who let the dogs out'<strong>

**Don't for get to review, subscribe and fav ;-)**


	6. Chapter 6

_Today, I was overproductive as you can see. There is a maths test next thursday, so procrastinating was very important to me... ;-)_

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><p>The next morning I wanted to die. I couldn't remember when I had felt that horrible before. I hadn't been sick or seriously injured for seven years. And now, I was in middle earth for two months and had managed to get stabbed with a poisoned blade, nearly freeze to death and now this. If I had been at home in Atlanta I probably wouldn't haven beaten myself up that much, but I wasn't home but in Middle Earth. And the last thing the fellowship needed was a sick member who would hold them back. So I pulled myself together and stood up. Unfortunately, my circulation didn't seem to approve. Everything around me went black and my legs gave out from under me. The world around me was spinning and I felt like I had to to vomit again. I did actually, but except for water, nothing came out.<p>

None of the other companions were awake yet, except for Gimli who was on watch. He looked at me questioningly and I nodded, indicating that I was okay. Not wanting to wake the others I, very slowly, sat up and silently sang to myself to take my mind of my current condition.

_I think we'll never change_  
><em>And our hearts will always separate<em>  
><em>Forget about you<em>  
><em>I'll forget about you<em>  
><em>The things we never say<em>  
><em>Are better often left alone<em>  
><em>Forget about you<em>  
><em>I'll forget about this time<em>

_But it's the same old situation_  
><em>We made it through this far<em>  
><em>We watched the rockets kiss the sky<em>  
><em>I saw the flames burn out in your eyes<em>

_Nothing that I do_  
><em>Will ever be enough for you<em>  
><em>Whatever I do, whatever I do<em>  
><em>Take me as I am<em>  
><em>I'll never be the other man.<em>  
><em>Forget about you<em>  
><em>I'll forget about this time<em>

_So won't you save this conversation_  
><em>And find a better time<em>  
><em>Don't you ever understand<em>  
><em>That if it hurts I'll do whatever I can<em>

_And if it's set in motion_  
><em>I'll watch it all pass by<em>  
><em>And leave the rest unspoken<em>  
><em>I'll never change my mind<em>

_Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken_  
><em>Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken now<em>

_Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken_  
><em>Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken now<em>

_Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken_  
><em>Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken now<em>

_Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken_  
><em>Leave it unspoken, leave it unspoken now<em>

_So just let me go_  
><em>I won't change my mind<em>  
><em>I'd rather be lonely<em>  
><em>Than be by your side<em>  
><em>And nothing you say<em>  
><em>Could save us this time<em>  
><em>I'd rather be lonely<em>

"Who is she?" Surprised, I turned around. Frodo was sitting on his mat and looked at me.

"Noone special. It's just a song from home that I like a lot", I answered, "you wanna hear another one?"

Frodo nodded. "Yes, please!"

So I sang the complete discography of Hurts. When I was finished with the last song everyone was awake and slowly got up.

"So, you've gotten better?", Boromir greeted me with a wide smile.

"Yep", I said and got up only to collapse again. Luckily, Boromir caught me.

"Don't push it", Boromir warned me and pulled me up. "Are you sure you're well enough to stand?", he asked concernedly.

"Honest answer? No, absolutely not. The only reason why I'm not hanging over a bucket is that I emptied my stomach yesterday. But I can't not be well. The options are being well or being left behind and since Aragorn is categorically against option two I really don't have a choice", I poured my heart out.

Boromir looked me in the eyes and sighed. "I'll talk to him. But he's right. Leaving you is absolutely no option", he said and left, searching for the ranger.

I sat down and silently cursed myself. I should've just clenched my teeth together and gotten through with it. There was the danger of killing my heart when I strained myself too much but I figured that dying of a heart attack might be a quite nice death compared to the possibilities that awaited us on the rest of our journey.

Not a minute later, Aragorn was kneeling in front of me and conducted an in-depth medical exam. When he was finished he frowned and ordered Boromir to get some mashed potatoes and a lot of water. "The reason you feel that bad is mainly that you haven't kept a meal or a drink down for three days. If we manage to change that you will be nearly completely recovered by tomorrow", he then told me.

I sighed with relief. No heart failure after all. "So I can walk?", I asked happily.

Aragorn shook his head. "No. You are still too weak. If you keep your food down today, you might be able to walk tomorrow."

"Thanks mom", I mumbled and obediently ate the food that Boromir had brought me.

That evening, we arrived at the gates of Moria. Except for Gimli, everyone was extremely uncomfortable. I was still quite annoyed that I had spent the whole day on the back of Bill while Boromir and Aragorn were carrying all the baggage. Luckily, Merry and Pippin were entertaining me and made me tell them stories.

"Ithildin! It mirrors only starlight and moonlight", Gandalf said and looked at a piece of wall between two huge trees. Just in that moment, the moon rose over the mountain and its light was reflected by small lines that were engraved in the stone. We all looked at the door in awe. "It reads,_ 'The door of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter'_", Gandalf explained.

"What do you suppose that means?", Merry asked.

Gandalf gave him a patronizing smile and said: "It's quite simple. If you are a friend, speak the password and the doors will open."

He then raised his arms and said something elvish. The others watched in anticipation but nothing happened.

"Watch me", I said to Merry and Pippin and then casually walked up to Gandalf.

"You do know, that you only have to read that sentence out loud to open the door, right?", I asked with a huge grin.

Gandalf looked at me confusedly.

"Look, it says '_Ennyn Durin Aran Moria. Pedo Mellon a Minno.'_"

Once I said '_Mellon_' the doors began to swing open.

"How did you...? You can read Elvish?", Gandalf asked completely off his course

"Nope, not a word...", I answered, grinning, "now everyone get inside." I shoved Frodo through the gate. "Gandalf, how do you close the door? Just say 'coth'...? Oh, never mind." When I had said 'coth', the elvish word for 'enemy', the doors had actually closed themselves. "I'm such a genius", I praised myself and started singing

_I got it, You got it, We got the magic yeah  
>I got it, You got it, We got the magic yeah<em>

Inside the mine it was pitch black. We warily walked into the great hall, trying not to hit something.

Gimli was so happy that I expected him to jump every second when he boasted to Legolas about this place: "So, master elf, you will enjoy the fabled hospitality of the dwarves; roaring fires, malt beer, red meat off the bone. This, my friend, is the home of my cousin, Balin. And they call this a Mine. A mine!"

"Why is there no light?", Merry asked worriedly.

Before I could answer, Gandalf had switched on his staff and Merry could see why. There were dwarf skeletons laying everywhere, many of them including axes and arrows that were cleary the cause of death of them.

"This is no mine. It's a tomb", Boromoir said grimly.

Gimli's huge smile had disappeared and he now looked around in horror, mourning all his dead kinsmen. Everyone except me had backed up to the door.

"Tristan. We have to leave!", Aragorn hissed in my direction, mistaking my remaining as a sign of shock. At the same time, Gandalf was opening the door again.

"Guys, we really should stay here", I urged them but they didn't listen.

"We make for the Gap of Rohan. We should never have come here", Boromir said.

I felt a chill running down my spine, knowing exactly what was going to happen. In the corner of my eye I saw a tentacle rushing for Frodo. I pulled the hobbit aside and trampled on the tentacle as hard as I could. The kraken screamed and yanked its tentacle back, sweeping me off my feet.

"Everyone, get inside! Now!", I yelled and tried to get up. I had landed on the back of my head and the world around me was spinning. Suddenly, a bunch of arms grabbed me und pulled me inside. Not a second later, the kraken landed where I had layed and tried to get through the gate. It lashed its tentacles at us but they were to big and the door frame collapsed, creating a rock slide that buried the kraken under it and blocked the way out. Breathing heavily, I got up and shook my head to stop the dizziness.

"We now have but one choice...we must face the long dark of Moria. Be on your guard! There are older and fouler things than the orcs in the deep places of the world", Gandalf said and turned on his staff once again.

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><p><strong>The songs are Hurts with 'Unspoken' and Robin Thicke with 'Magic'<strong>

**Please don't forget to review and stuff. I need a reason to put learning off ;-)**


	7. Chapter 7

_Sorry for the late update. I had the chapter finished a week ago but I was unsatisfied with it. Tristan was becoming a complete Gary Sue so I rewrote most of it (I hope it worked...)_

_This time, my eternal gratitude goes to:  
>liz ames for faving and reviewing<br>Tiara d'Cullen for faving subscribing to ME and reviewing  
>Luna Elen for reviewing<br>and last but not least: Julija1AL for faving_

_Also, there is some swearing (at two points, one including the f-word)_

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><p>Our way through the mines was, well, unpleasant. I am not patricularly afraid of heights but what the dwarves did was insane. When we walked through the mine part, the path was about one meter wide and bordered on one side by a very, very deep hole.<p>

"Have you dwarves never heard of a handrail?", I complained to Gimli. The dwarf grunted but didn't answer.

Carefully, everyone leaned over a bit to look down the shaft. I didn't but instead clung to Boromir.

"Don't worry. I will not fall", Boromir reassured me and smiled.

"That's what everybody says before they do", I said but let go of Boromir.

When we left the mine, the way split up in three tunnels.

"I have no memory of this place", Gandalf said, frowning.

I began to dramatically sing Beethoven's 5th symphony.

"Tristan, please", Aragorn said. Everyone seemed to be pretty tense and now quite irritated with me.

I sighed and pointed towards the 'right' tunnel. "It's that way."

The rest of the fellowship looked at me in surprise and didn't move but then Gandalf stepped forward and simply said: "Tristan is right." Without hesitation, the others followed him, leaving me standing there offended.

"You could have just believed me in the first place, you know", I grumbled and caught up with them.

_We set out alone,_  
><em>Crawl through the tunnel,<em>  
><em>Our eyes can hardly see the other side,<em>  
><em>No longer cold,<em>  
><em>Or feeling in trouble,<em>  
><em>We realize that we are just alive...<em>  
><em>So let it shine,<em>

_Cause we are, the light in the tunnel,_  
><em>We are the living and dying,<em>  
><em>See how we are, alone in the world,<em>  
><em>We are the light in the tunnel,<em>  
><em>That's all...<em>

_Moving so slow, towards the end of the tunnel_  
><em>We don't pretend we'll see the other side...<em>

"Tristan!", Aragorn scolded me and gave me an annoyed glare.

I mumbled a variety of insults towards him but stopped singing. The others were just much to serious for my taste. But considering that the situation was quite serious, they were propably right in being so.

After ten minutes or so, the tunnel gave way to a huge hall. Gandalf boosted the light a bit and my jaw dropped to the floor.

"Holy mother of god, for the love of jesus christ!", I exclaimed, which brought a smile on Gimli's face. "Gimli, your guys are geniusses. Remind me to hire them, when I build myself a house. But only if they get that rail issue rresolved!"

"I will laddie, I will", Gimli answered, smiling grimmly. Suddenly he stopped and his face turned to stone. Then he ran off into a chamber with a stone table in the middle. I knew what it was and rushed after the dwarf, trying to comfort him as he fell sobbing on his knees, mourning his cousin's death.

"I'm so sorry for you and your people", I said and put a hand on his shoulder. For some reason I actually felt really bad for Balin's death. I hadn't known him personally, but in 'The Hobbit' he always seemed like a really cool guy to hang out with.

Next to us, Gandalf started reading from the book that layed on Balin's grave, when something sprung to my mind. "Pippin, don't t-", I warned the hobbit but it was too late. He had alreadey unintentionally shoved a dwarf skeleton including armour and various other accessories down the hole it had leaned on.

"Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time and rid us of your stupidity!", Gandalf said to Pippin angrily when the clattering stopped.

"Well I think noone coud've possible heard that. And let's just hope, they don't have a cave troll", I joked and winked exaggeratedly.

The hobbits looked at me, terrified, while Aragorn scolded me for not taking the situation seriously.

A few seconds later, we heard drums. It started with only a few but then, more and more sounded until the whole mine seemed to vibrate. At first, I was absolutely fine with the situation. I knew that everything worked out fine. And if I died I might go home, and if not I wouldn't be able to bother about it anyways. But for some reason, the drums slowly startet to get to me. I panicked. "We're gonna die. We're gonna die", I mumbled to myself and frantically searched for a place to hide. Suddenly I wasn't so sure if the fight would end well this time.

"We're not going to die! We will kill all of them and then we will get out of here", Boromir tried to encourage me, "just hold on and fight as hard as you can. I have your back."

I swallowed and nodded.

"Now take courage", Boromir said and smiled, "Show them what you think of their musical abilities."

"They really are pretty shitty drummers", I grinned took up my fighting stance.

"That's what I wanted to hear", Boromir grinned back and then ran to the door to help Aragorn barricade it.

"They really do have a cave troll", he said drily after he had risked a look out of the door.

"Let them come! There is one dwarf yet in Moria who still draws breath!", I heard Gimli roar.

I looked at him, how he stood on the grave, ready to kill everyone he didn't like, and couldn't hold back.

_Hey Gimli, hey what's up, can I have your autograph?  
>Hey Gimli, hey, hey<br>Hey Gimli, hey, hey  
>Hey Gimli, hey what's up, can you make my body rock?<br>Hey Gimli, hey, hey  
>Hey Gimli, hey, hey<br>Hey Gimli you're so fine, can we spend a little time?  
>Hey Gimli, hey, hey<br>Hey Gimli, hey, hey  
>Hey Gimli you're so fine, I just wanna make you mine<br>Hey Gimli, hey what's up, he will never ever stop!_

My friends and I had always sung that song when we watched the movie and for some weird reason it motivated me to slaughter my way out of here. The orcs and goblins and whatever creatures were present charged at us and we all stabbed and slashed as good as we could. It went surpisingly well for me. I killed a bunch of freaks without getting seriously injured (for the most part though because of Boromir who was killing everything that stood too close to me, leaving only the leftovers to me) and I was really close to actually feeling like a badass, when the cave troll decided to drop by.

"Shit!", I cursed, not being able to move.

The troll slowly came up to me and and swung its hammer-thingy. I could already see myself getting as flat as a stamp, including very bad movie effects, when someone pulled me out of harm's way. It was Legolas. He looked at me for a second to make sure that I was alright and then shot at the troll. In the meantime, I saw Boromir fly through the air and hit a wall. He didn't get up for a moment and some crazy goblin thought that he might have a chance to kill him. The goblin screamed and swung its weapon, only to be surprises by a dagger between its eyes. Boromir turned around to see me grinning.

"Seems as if I need to look after you now", I said and went over to help him get up.

"Aragorn", we heard Frodo scream. The troll was now for some reason quite interested in playing hide-and-seek with the hobbit. I lept foward to somehow get the troll away from him but I was too late. Frodo had a spear in his ribs. Around me, everyone went bezerk and before he could do anything, the troll was dead.

"Frodo's fine. Can we now please get out of here? We're gonna get a visitor", I urged the others who still stood there in shock while Aragorn crawled over to Frodo. To everyone's surprise, Frodo wasn't dead. He coughed and took a huge breath.

"He's alive!", Sam exclaimed, surprised and relieved.

"It's alive! Alive!", I quoted grinning like a Ceshire Cat. To my disappointment noone had listened. They were all much to busy with getting their heads around the fact that Frodo was wearing a mithril shirt. "I told you that Frodo was alive. You should maybe start to listen when I say what's gonna happen. Now, please! The door!", I stopped the banter. The rest actually did what I said and we ran for our lives.

Unluckily, the goblins seemed to be everywhere. About halfway through the hall we were surounded by thousands of dubious creatures.

"Don't worry. Just wait. And when I say run, run!", I told my companions. They nodded grimly, ready to fight if what I said wasn't true. But it was. While I was trying to get to grips with the fact that the rest of the fellowship actually listened to me, a huge red shadow emerged from one end of the hall. As soon as the goblins realized, they fled the scene.

"Run!", I yelled and we ran for our lives.

"What was that?", Boromir asked.

"A Balrog of Morgoth", Legolas answered.

I had a hard time supressing the urge to ask 'what did you say?' in my best Gollum-impression. That's why I nearly ran into Boromir who was balancing on the edge of a broken staircase. If it hadn't been for my elf reflexes, our journey with the fellowship would have ended quite prematurely. But I managed to fall on my backside and pull Boromir with me.

"God, I hate dwarves", I silently cursed as I helped Boromir up, paying close attention to the abyss.

Once we both stood safely, we ran on. It seemed to look pretty good for us. Because we didn't wait in the hall to take a look at the Balrog, we avoided the circus number on the broken bridge and we had nearly crossed the Bridge of Khazad-Dum, only two flights of stairs away from daylight, when the Balrog appeared behind us.

"Shit!", I whispered as it came closer.

"Tristan come on! We have to go!", Aragorn yelled.

I look at him and then at Gandalf. "Gandalf...", I said quietly.

The wizard nodded knowingly and walked back on the bridge. When he passed me, I gave him a big hug.

"I'm so sorry", I said and let him go towards his certain pretty-much-death. The rest of the fellowship stared at us in confusion. They had no idea what was going on. I looked at Gandalf one last time and then turned around and walked off the bridge. Gandalf seemed to be absolutely calm and when I walked away from him I heard him say his lines. In front of me, the faces of the fellowship turned from worry to relief to sheer horror.

"Gandalf!", Frodo screamed and tried to run to the wizard. Boromir stopped him, picked him up and ran in the other direction. Except for Aragorn the others were already outside.

"Aragorn, we have to leave now", I said and pulled Aragorn with me.

"You sent him to his death! We would have made it, all of us. He didn't have to die!", Boromir yelled at me as soon as we were in daylight.

"I had to", I said shyly. Around me, the hobbits were crying their hearts out while the rest of the fellowship looked at me with pure disgust.

"Why?", Aragorn asked, trying hard to keep calm.

"I just had to. Gandalf knew that. I'm really, really sorry. But everything is going to work out just fine, I promise", I answered. I could understand the others but I knew that Gandalf would come back.

"I want you to leave", I heard the voice of a hobbit say. We all turned around to see Frodo hatefully staring at me. His eyes were red from crying and you could see the trails of tears that ran down his cheeks.

"Frodo...", I started but the hobbit interrupted me.

"Leave!" Frodo nearly yelled. I had no idea what to do. I wanted to explain to them so bad but Gandalf had made me swear on everything that was sacred to me, not to tell anyone and not to interfere too much.

"Please", I begged Frodo but he just glared at me, ready to strangle me as soon as we were alone.

"I think it's better for everyone when you do not stay with us", Aragorn said. I stared at him with an open mouth. What was happening? I could understand Frodo and Boromir, but Aragorn?

"Where should I go? Lórien is the only place around here that is not infested by orks and the like", I asked, terrified to be on my own.

"I do not know. But I'm sure that if you go south you will find somewhere to stay", he answered, not really convinced that he was right.

I looked at the others for support but they all seemed to be on Aragorn's side. "Well, fuck you!", I screamed and ran off.

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><p><strong>The songs are slightly modified versions of "Tunnel" by The Used and "Hey Jimi" by Jimi Blue (a really bad actor and singer from Germany).<strong>

**As usual please review, fav und subscribe if you liked it. It always means a lot to me to see that people like my stuff :-)**


	8. Chapter 8

_Sorry for the long wait and the short chapter but I didn't have that much time to write last week..._

_I also apologize for the not very funny chapter, except for the Lórien bashing. I just had to insult Galadriel plus whoever-he-is because I absolutely couldn't stand them in the movies. They just seemed too above everyone._

_Anyways, my thanks go out to:_  
><em>Metoochocolate for the review and subscribing to me<em>  
><em>Andraste Silmarien for subscribing<em>  
><em>CeresMaria for the reviews and subscribing<em>  
><em>LoneStallion for faving me and the story<em>  
><em>Tiara d' Cullen for the review<em>

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><p>At that moment, I hated everything and everyone but most of all, I hated myself. Maybe they were right and I should have saved Gandalf. Maybe he would have become Gandalf the White some other way. And what if the Valar decided to not bring him back?<p>

I was bawling my eyes out and punched, kicked and yelled at everything, trees and squirrels included, that made the mistake of standing too close to me. I was at the border of Lórien and just ran into the forrest, hoping that I would find Caras Galadhon somehow. When Frodo had kicked me out, I had sprinted south to go to Isengard and team up with Sagrotan but then my conscience won and I turned back north to get some supplies from Lórien and then ship to Valinor to make the Valar send me home.

"What did that tree do to you?", I heard someone ask in Elvish. When I turned around, I saw a smiling Haldir who seemed to find my behavior funny. I couldn't remember a scene in the movies in which he genuinely smiled and was accordingly confused. Next to Haldir stood two elves with drawn bows, ready to shoot me as soon as I moved.

"Wrong place, wrong time", I cawed in Westron and shrugged. My voice had gone hoarse from insulting the squirrels.

"Why do you not speak Elvish?", Haldir asked in Elvish.

"Because my Elvish is terrible", I tried to say in Elvish and Haldir started laughing.

"Yes, indeed it is", he agreed in Westron. "So, why is your Elvish terrible?"

"Because I never learned it. I grew up amongst humans and the only taught me Westron", I said.

"What brings you to Lothlórien then?", Haldir inquired.

"First, would you be so kind to ask your archers to lower their bows? It makes me feel pretty uncomfortable." Haldir nodded and the archers did as I suggested. Then I took a deep breath. "Well, this is gonna take some time..."

While telling a more than slightly modified version of my past life, we walked to Caras Galadhon. Haldir and his mates didn't say anything except for when they didn't understand what I had said, which became more frequent the longer I talked because my voice was slowly deciding to take some time off. I knew that the fellowship had arrived the day before and I was sure that Haldir knew their side of the story but he never showed any signs of disbelief when I lied my way through the events on the bridge of Khazad-Dum.

When Caras Galadhon finally appeared in front of us, I nearly forgot to breathe. It was beautiful. And huge! In the movies you only saw the complete tree once and from far away. Standing under it was an incredible feeling. The tree in Avatar had nothing on this one. There was, however one big minus.

"What is it with people in Middle Earth and rails? Did noone come up with them yet, or what?", I complained as Haldir led me up to where Galadriel and her husband were at the moment.

"We have waited for you. We were worried when you did not arrive with the fellowship", Galadriel said in my head.

"Yeah? Well, they kicked me out because they are a bunch of losers and I was to cool for them", I answered.

A minute later we stood in front of each other.

"Tristan", Galadriel's husband greeted me with his always slightly bored sounding voice.

"Lady Galadriel's husband", I greeted him back and bowed slightly. He looked at me confused but didn't say anything. Galadriel had taken a step forward and smiled at me kindly. She always smiled kindly at people she didn't take too serious and it had already annoyed me in the movies. Her husband was worse though. He never smiled and looked as if he had gotten a lobotomy. Normally I would have tried to overlook that and be polite but at that time I really didn't feel like it.

"Your former companions have already arrived last evening. They did not speak very highly of you", she said.

"I wonder why...", I mumbled and Galadriel smiled at me even more kindly.

"I understand that you caused the death of Gandalf", she continued.

"Yeah, I did. But it was necessary. It's a long story but they'll find out eventually that I'm right. As always, I might add", I explained.

"What are your plans then? What brings you to Lórien?", Galadriel's rather insignificant and useless husband asked

"Well... Actually I just wanted to ask for supplies that last until Rivindell. I decided to go there since I am no longer part of the fellowship", I said and looked at Galadriel with puppy eyes.

"But Rivindell is not your final destination", Galadriel stated as if she always knew exactly what I was thinking. She knew actually because I could feel her rummaging through my brains.

"No, it isn't", I answered and an awkward pause arised because the elves expected me to go into further detail.

"You will ask the Valar to send you home", Galadriel finally said.

"Yes I will and now GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HEAD YOU FREAK!", I yelled in my head. Galdriel tumbled back and, for a split second, looked at me surprised and slightly angry. She immediately caught herself though and smiled at me kindly. I was slowly getting dangerously close to strangling her if she didn't stop patronizing me.

"Could you please stop looking at me as if I was a little child!", I complained which earned me a motherly chuckle.

"How old are you? You cannot be much older than 17 in human years. That makes me nearly 9,000 years your senior", Galadriel said.

"That doesn't make me a child though. It just makes you really really old", I moaned. Galadriel's husband raised an eyebrow while Galadriel's smile got wider.

"We cannot let you leave Middle Earth", Galadriel's sidekick suddenly said.

"What?" I was not prepared for him to say anything commanding and to forbid me to do something.

"You must stay with the fellowship. It is the path, the Valar have chosen for you", Galadriel's husband clarified.

"Eh... That's nice for them but I don't really care. And by the way, I'm not here to ask for your permission to leave. I'm just here to get some food and water", I said.

"Then no food or water will be given to you", Galadriel's husband said. He became increasingly authoritative which irritated me a lot.

"Since when do you give the orders?", I asked before I could think about it. I already saw Galadriel's husband screaming at me or punishing me to death but he seemed more suprised by what I had said than I was.

"I am the king of this realm...", he muttered. I just nodded and hoped that he forgot about it. Next to me, Haldir was close to a breakdown because of my inapproriate behaviour. His look changed between anger towards me and pleading towards his bosses.

"So, you want me to starve?", I asked.

"No, of course not. You will be provided with everything you need as long as you stay here in Lórien or when you leave with the fellowship", Galadriel smiled as if I hadn't just questioned her husband's authority.

"Okay... So where is the kitchen? I could use some munchies! ...Food" I didn't have any intentions to stay here but I thought that a big meal before I walked back to Rivindell was a good idea.

Galadriel laughed her high, clear laugh that made me want to strangle her even more and then appointed the disturbed Haldir as my guide: "Haldir will gladly take you to your quaters and then show you the way to our dining hall."

"Thanks. I'm off then", I said happily, turned around and left.

Before I was even at the steps, Galadriel was creeping around in my head again: "I need to talk to you. Meet me at the mirror when you have settled in."

Annoyed, I turned around. "If you want to talk to me, I really would appreciate it, if you did it out loud. It's not as if you wanted to have an affair with me so I guess everyone can hear, that you want to meet me later. Also, most of the people here don't speak Westron anyways."

Haldir glared at me, ready to kill me the moment noone looked, so I decided to be quiet and follow him.

We walked around a bit until we arrived at a tent that seemed big enough to house a complete family.

"This will be your home as long as you stay here in Lothlórien. Arrange your things as you please, I will wait for you outside", Haldir said emotionless.

I threw my stuff through the entrance and grinned at him: "Finished!"

Haldir sighed and shook his head "Follow me."

The food was okay. It was vegan but it could have been worse. The other elves seemed nice at first but once I had explained to everyone that I didn't speak any Elvish because I was raised humans they looked at me with pity and slight disgust and ignored me for the rest of their meal.

"Where do you think you are going?", Haldir asked me.

I was standing 20 feet away from Lórien's border. Galadriel's favourite minion stood right behind me and didn't seem very pleased.

After a good night's sleep and an extensive breakfast, I had taken my bag and decided to sneak out of the forrest to get rid of all the elves, especially Queen Elizabeth and Geoffrey Rush. (In this scenario, Haldir was Clive Owen by the way...) Obviously, I wasn't as sneaky as I thought I was.

"Well... I was just wandering around your beautiful forrest and it seems as if I, by accident, reached your north-western border", I said sarcastically, "What does it look like? I'm leaving."

"You cannot leave", Haldir stated as if it was an undisputable fact.

"Ohhh! Watch me", I replied and ran for the border. I didn't get far though. After two steps, there was an arrow in my face. Not literally though. One of the wardens aimed his drawn bow directly between my eyes.

"You can't keep me here. I'm not your prisoner!", I protested.

An evil grin appeared on Haldir's face. "Now you are."

"On what grounds?"

"You killed Gandalf and abandoned the fellowship."

"a: I didn't kill Gandalf, the Balrog did. Also, I didn't make him fight the Balrog. I just recommended it. And b: Elrond said that we could opt out of the fellowship whenever we feel like it. And they kicked me out."

Haldir frowned and thought about what I'd just said. Inside I was already preparing my good bye-speech and congratulated me on owning Haldir. But before I could leave, the evil grin reappeared.

"You insulted Lord Celeborn", Haldir said, deeply pleased with himself.

"FML", I mumbled and let the elves escort me back to Caras Galadhon.

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><p><strong>No music this time...<strong>

**But please don't forget to review and fav and subscribe :-)**


	9. Chapter 9

_Look at me! I finally wrote another chapter. Yay!_

_I hope to have the next chapter up next weekend, but I can't promise anything..._

_This time I thank Tiara d' Cullen for reviewing and being awesome in general._

_Anyways, enjoy!_

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><p>"Haldir tells me you wanted to leave this realm", Galadriel's husband said to me while Galadriel, again, smiled kindly.<p>

"He didn't need to tell you, did he?", I replied and glared at them.

Galadriel laughed her annoying, clear, high laugh while her husband, as usual, didn't show any emotions.

"Now that we've established that, let me leave!", I ordered them.

"I already told you that we cannot let you leave. We cannot take the risk of your capture by the enemy and the consequences it will have", Galadriel's husband explained.

"Thanks for your trust in my integrity! And the way it looks to me, I'm not sure whether Sauron really is the bad guy. You're not bad as dictators as well", I countered.

Galadriel's plus one seemed to be quite pissed off by my comment. Internally, I was throwing a party for myself and it was very hard not to grin.

"We can understand your anger and your frustration but your involvement in Gandalf's death caused mistrust towards you. Therefore, even if we did not see you as a risk it would be a suspicious sign from the viewpoint of our allies", Galadriel's husband said.

"Last time, I checked, you didn't have any allies because you were too cool to hang out with men or dwarves or whatever else is running around", I said drily.

Galadriel's husband chose to ignore my comment and instead turned to Haldir: "Haldir, please bring him to his quaters and make sure that our guest does not leave the forrest until I personally allow him to do so."

Haldir nodded grimly.

"I hate you so much! When this is over you'll never forgive your mother for having given birth to you!", I yelled at Galadriel's husband while two elves grabbed my arms and dragged me down the stairs.

When we arrived back on the ground, the elves let go of me.

"Have you calmed down?", Haldir asked not very friendly. I nodded and the guards stepped away from me. "As Lord Celeborn decided, you will be treated like any guest as long as you do not try to flee again.

However, I will asign guards to follow you at all times to ensure your remain in Lothlórien."

"So, wherever I go, I'll be followed by a bunch of elven bodyguards or what?" I chuckled at the thought of four or so big elves with black sunglasses and emotionless looks, wearing black suits following me everywhere.

"You will be guarded by two elves at a time. But they will stay in the background so that you can move around freely without anyone judging you", Haldir clarified.

"Yeah, because they don't judge me already because I don't speak Elvish and killed Gandalf", I spat.

Haldir just shook his head and talked to his guards. From what I could understand, he scheduled guard duty. When he was finished, he turned back to me. "I will leave you now. Glandur and Alyan will accompany you to wherever you go." With these words, Haldir was gone.

"Great. I take it, you don't speak Westron?", I asked my 'companions'. They just smiled at me and didn't say a word. "I'll take that as a 'no' then...", I sighed, "let's go grab some munchies!" X and Y looked at me, confused. I sighed again and mimed eating. Y was the first to understand. He nodded and pointed in the general direction of where they, hopefully, had food.

It was already late afternoon and I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast. I motioned him to lead on and we walked there together, while X disappeared into the woods.

The dinner started quite alright, considering my situation. The food was good and everyone did their best to ignore me politely. Getting drunk, my goal for that night, however was pretty hard. I was only seventeen but going to a high school where someone was throwing a house party every weekend made me hard-drinking. Being an elf didn't help either, although the 'wine' they served could rival whiskey at any time. It me took until late after sundown and about twenty glasses of the booze to feel a bit cheerful. There were only a few elves left and all of them didn't seem to be completely sober either.

Across the table, I spottet a bunch of female elves and decided to take my chances. Getting there was quite a challenge, getting up from my seat and walking over without weaving too much. Once I made it there, I cheerily entered their circle and started hitting on the second best looking elf present, the tacting being making the hottest one jealous and therefore easier to get into bed with or wherever she preferred. It didn't seem to work though. Number two chuckled at my flirting and said something about me being cute and possibly something about being taken but in my current state, I didn't really care about her opinion. After about a minute of me trying to make her sleep with me, a male elf came over and stepped in front of her. Thinking that he wouldn't understand a word of what I was saying, I told him not very polite to step out of the way and let him know what I though of his intervention. However, he seemed to understand what I was calling him and said, very clearly, that me leaving would be appropriate at that moment. My answer came in form of a fist in his face and while my opponent starred at me in confusion and checked his nose for blood, a certain ranger stepped between us. He excused himself for my actions and pulled me away.

"Let me go! I'm not finished with that guy!", I slurred and tried to get away from Aragorn.

"Yes you are", Aragorn stated and just tightened his grip on my arms.

Once we were far away enough in Aragorn's eyes he let me go and glared at me. "Don't ever do something like that again, am I clear? Next time, I will not get you out of there but I will be the one throwing the punches", he hissed and shoved me away.

I didn't say anything and turned straight back to where we were coming from.

"Where do you think you're going?", Aragorn asked angrily.

"Getting completely hammered and hopefully die of alcohol poisoning", I answered and went off.

When I woke up, all I wished for was to have died. I had had hangovers before but this one was worse than all of my previous ones combined. After a few seconds of cursing everyone I ever met, I realized that I was sleeping in a bed or something. The last thing I remembered was passing out either on a chair or on the ground at the food place. This was definitely neither of those. Slowly, I tried to move but all I managed to do was groan and feel even more sorry for myself.

"You're awake then", I heard a voice say and the ringing in my ears it caused made me empty my stomach the unconventional way. I rolled on my side and let it all out. A hand held my forehead and from the sound of it, I must have hit some kind of bucket. When I was finished, I fell back and someone wiped the vomit and the sweat off my face. It took me a few seconds to realize that the voice sounded an awful lot like Haldir and there was no sign of amusement in it.

"Why?", I managed to whisper.

Haldir chuckled. "Because you drank too much yesterday", he answered softly.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked around. I was laying on the bed in my tent (I assumed) and Haldir was sitting next to me, smiling pityfully.

"I got that. But why are you here?", I asked.

"Because I felt like I treated you badly the last two days. Now stop talking and drink this. It'll help with the headache", Haldir said and poured some horrible tasting, viscous fluid down my throat. Normally, I would have spit it out immediatly, but in my current situation, I was gladly taking anything that could possibly make me feel better. "You should sleep some more", Haldir ordered and I gladly obliged.

When I woke up the next time, I was great, comparatively. I still had a headache but it was much weaker than the first one. After collecting myself, I slowly tried to sit up and because that worked pretty well, I tried to stand. That however didn't work so well. Everything around me started spinning and I collapsed. Before I could hit the ground, someone caught me and sat me back on my bed.

"It's a bit early to walk around, don't you think?", Haldir mocked me and gave me a bowl of oatmeal or something similar. I groaned. I was starting to make a habit of collapsing and having to be caught by other people and I didn't like it.

"Whatever", I mumbled and tried to make the world stop moving. "How long have I been out?", I asked, once everything around me was back to normal.

"About one day", Haldir answered.

"Oh shit!", I cursed and jumped up, only to sit down again, "how did I end up here?"

"I found you at the dining hall, passed out on the ground and brought you here", Haldir explained.

"Weren't X and Y supposed to look after me?", I asked. Haldir looked at me in confusion. "You know. Gl-something and the other guy."

"You mean Glandur and Alyan. Their orders were to make sure that you don't flee, nothing more. And, well, they did", Haldir grinned.

I sighed. What assholes! "Remind me to kill them, when I see them. But why are you so nice to me. The last time we talked you were not very happy to look after me", I asked.

"As I said earlier. I thought about you and the situation you are in and decided that even though you behaved badly, you didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated you."

"For your age, you're a really bad liar. Honestly, did Galadriel make you be nice to me?" Haldir shifted uncomfortably on his seat. "Any chance of you telling me today?"

"Aragorn told me to. He also told me, where to find you."

I stared at Haldir in disbelief. "Again, please."

"Last night, Aragorn came to me and told me that you planned to drink yourself to death and that you sounded like you meant it, so he and I went to the dining hall and picked you up. He took care of you when you were unconcious as well. And he told me about your past or rather lack thereof. I'm really sorry for you", Haldir confessed.

"Where is he?", I hissed.

"I promised him...", Haldir tried to say but I interrrupted him: "Where. Is. He?"

"I can't tell you." Haldir had stood up and looked down at me menacingly.

It didn't work on me though. I just got up and shoved him out of my way.

My tent was directly under Caras Galadhon and I knew that the fellowship camped around here as well, so I decided to run around the tree. Haldir yelled something after me but I didn't listen. I was going to kill Aragorn (figuratively, of course).

"Aragorn!", I yelled, when I had finally found their tents. The fellowship looked at me in surprise.

"What are you doing here?", Pippin asked.

"Shut it, nancy boy!" I snarled at him and he immediately stepped a few steps back.

The others had already gathered and glared at me in silence when Aragorn decided to show up. Once he was within reach, I punched him in the face. "What the hell are you doing. First, you kick me out and pretty much send me to my certain death and now you're all like big daddy to me. What is wrong with you?", I screamed at him angrily.

"Tristan, please", Aragorn said calmly which only made me more furious.

"Did you know that I'm a prisoner here? 'For my own safety' they say. So instead of pulling me out of fights, go to Galadriel and her useless idiot of a husband and tell them to let me the hell go!"

"I asked them to keep you here", Aragorn said.

That totally took the wind out of my sails. "What?"

"Can we talk somewhere privately?", he asked.

"What?" I was still trying to understand, why Aragorn had me imprisoned. Meanwhile, the rest of the fellowship had left.

"It was wrong of me to ask you to leave the fellowship...", Aragorn started.

"How did you come to that conclusion?", I spat at him.

"... but I knew that the others would not trust you again. And it was the only way to get you to return home. You would never have left and decided to go home, had I simply asked you to. You know that you're out of your depth on this journey."

"And the hobbits are not or what? Do you have any idea, how often I've saved your asses until now? Without me, Sauron would've won before you even arrived in Rivindell!"

"But tell me: How often were you close to death? How often did we have to worry that you would not last the night?"

"But where should I go? I don't have a goddamn home, remember? I have absolutely nowhere to go!"

"You are always welcome in Rivindell."

"Among only elves? Are you kidding me? I can't stand elves and you know that. I can't even talk to them."

"You would get used to it."

"Forget it! I'm off. Tell Galadriel to let me go!" With these words, I stormed off back to my tent and packed my stuff.

"What are you doing?", Haldir asked. He was standing in the entrance to my tent and seemed pretty worried.

"I'm leaving."

"But didn't Lady Galadriel..."

"Yes, because Aragorn asked her to. An I told Aragorn to keep out of my life, so she'll let me go", I explained calmly.

"At least go to her and say your farewell", Haldir asked.

But before I could even think about it, Galadriel stood in the entrance as well.

"What the hell are you doing here? Mind stalking again?", I snarled.

"I came to ask you to stay here. It is dangerous for a lone traveller outside of Lothlórien", Galadriel said, again smiling her extremely annoying smile.

"Yep, that might be, bur I'm still off", I said and walked outside. "Oh and by the way: Do me a favour and don't assign Haldir to any missions abroad. Might be a bit unhealthy for him."

"How would you know about the dangers that await him?", Galadriel asked.

"You don't wanna know, trust me. And even if you wanted, I wouldn't tell you."

Galadriel lost here smile and started digging in my head for an answer. She seemed quite frustrated that I knew more than her.

"By god, woman! Just accept that I know more than you and do as I say!", I yelled at her to get her to stop looking at my kindergarten time. The conversations around us had stopped and everyone looked at me in surprise.

"Tristan!", Haldir hissed at me and looked as if he wanted to kill me.

"What? She's extremely rude!", I tried to defend myself but I was fighting a lost battle.

The farewell from Galadriel was as expected cold and very brief. Haldir had offered, to accompany me to the border but we didn't talk either.

"Where will you go?`", Haldir broke the silence when we arrived at the tree line.

"Rohan somewhere. I think. I don't really know but I'm pretty sure that I don't want to see any elves or Aragorn for a very long time. No offense", I said, "I guess this is good-bye then. We'll most likely never again see each other so I'll just say have a good life, don't get yourself killed, yada yada ya."

Haldir just nodded and said good-bye in Elvish.

And then I was off. For the first time in my life, I had absolutely no idea what to do and where to go.

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><p><strong>And again no songs. There will be a whole bunch of them next chapter.<strong>

**Please review and fav and subscribe. I'm one of those superficial people who really need approval (or at least constructive criticism)**


	10. Chapter 10

_I'm really, really sorry for not updating earlier but there was (and still is) a lot of stuff going on in my life at the same time. Maths exam, camping with my handball team, three games a week with my little sister's soccer team, my sister's birthday... I could go on forever but I guess you don't care about me whining to you, so here's the story:_

_BUT first my thanks to_  
><em>Metoochocolate<em>  
><em>Tiara d' Cullen<em>  
><em>and Luna Elen, who was not logged in ;-)<em>

_You guys are one of the main reasons for me to keep on writing!_

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><p>I actually went to Rohan. There weren't any good alternatives anyways.<p>

At first, I was just aimlessly running around but after a few days, I had run out of food and sleeping on the ground hadn't been very comfortable. I knew that I couldn't go back, so I started looking for a place to stay.

That night, I stumbled upon a little village, or at least something like that. There were about ten wooden houses in the middle of nowhere. When I entered the village, I was greeted by about twenty frightened, but armed and dangerous looking women and children, lead by an one-armed guy who seemed to be the boss around here.

"Who are you and what do you want?", the guy asked warily.

"Cheers. I'm Tristan and I was just wondering, if I could stay here for a night or so", I introduced myself and smiled insecurely at the group.

"Why did you come to us?", the guy asked a bit friendlier but still ready to kill me on the spot.

"I'm not from around here and got lost. I'm from Rivendell and was planning on going to Edoras...", I said, hoping that they would buy my extremely abbreviated version of my journey.

"Are you an elf?", one of the smaller kids asked and pushed himself in front of the group.

"Yep", I simply said and everyone seemed to relax but didn't bother to drop their weapons.

The little boy walked towards me and held out his hand. "I'm Léod. If you want, you sleep at my place. I wouldn't mind."

"Léod!", a woman, most likely his mum, said and ran to him. "I'm sorry. He just meant well", she apologized to me.

"What are you apologizing for? It's very kind of him to offer me his bed. If anything, you should be proud to have such a polite son. He is your son, right?", I smiled.

Léod grinned from ear to ear while his mum blushed and pulled him close to her.

"Since you do not seem like a servant of the White Wizard, I am honored to welcome you to our village", the boss stepped forward and offered me his left hand. "I am Déorwine and I am the head of this village."

"Tristan, nice to meet you. Tell me, why are you the only fit man around here?", I asked, looking around.

"The others left to aid our king in his fight against the white wizard. Many of them have died and those who are still alive stand strong on our king's side", Déorwine answered proudly but slightly sad.

I nodded and held back my rant about the utter incompetence of Théoden. "So... How long would you let me stay here? I don't have any valuables I could pay you with but I could help renovate the houses and do whatever else you need", I offered.

"I think I speak for all of us when I say that we would not mind you staying here forever. It is a great honor for us to be able to help an elf", Déorwine said enthusiastically. If I had been able to blush, I'd have been as red as a tomato. But as it was, I just smiled sheepishly and thank Déorwine and his people for their hospitality.

"Mum, can he stay at our house?", Léod asked his mother and looked at her with big eyes, "he can sleep in Léofa's bed until he comes back."

His mother glared at him for a second but decided to go along with it: "It would be an honor my Lord. The bed we can offer you is very plain and there are no luxuries but we will do our best to make you feel at home."

"Thank you. Something softer than rock is all I need", I reassured her.

"My name is Holdwyn by the way", Léod's mother added nervously.

"Nice to meet you, Holdwyn. I am in your dept", I said and kissed her hand. Holdwyn blushed and giggled. The other girls present giggled as well and swooned at me. This was definitely going to be fun.

"If you don't mind, I'd like to go to bed now... I haven't slept well for three days", I yawned. Déorwine nodded and Léod pulled me into his home. His mum seemed embarassed by his not very respectful behaviour but didn't say anything and just followed us.

Their house was pretty unspectacular. It was a simple wooden cottage and the furniture was minimalistic as well. There were three beds, four trunks, a tanle with five chairs and a small kitchenet, all made from the same dark wood. There wasn't much room for anything else. The queen sized bed and the trunks were ornamented with carvings of horses. All in all it felt really cozy in here.

"This is my bed and this is your bed, I mean my brother's bed, but you can sleep in it until Léofa comes back. The big bed is my parents' but my father died a year ago. He was a member of the royal guard!", Léod explained proudly, "I'm sure, Léofa doesn't mind when you put your things in his trunk. He is a member of the royal guard too. He joined last week when he turned sixteen." This went on for about ten minutes. I think, Léod managed to tell me the complete history of his family and a basic overview of the village's. When he was finally finished, I managed to convince him to let me go to sleep and within seconds, I was passed out.

The next morning, I was woken up by the smell of bacon. Yes, even in times of need, the people of Rohan managed to serve bacon for breakfast. After dozing for another five minutes or so, I finally sat up and streched.

"Good morning. Did you sleep well Mylord?", Holdwyn greeted me.

"Yes! I slept great. Thanks for asking", I answered and smiled at her which caused her to blush.

"I made breakfast. Would you like to have some?", Holdwyn offered.

"Yes, absolutely. What do you have to offer?", I asked and walked over to the fire. I was still wearing the same clothes I wore when I left Lórien. Luckily, being an elf meant, that I didn't have any body odor, so I didn't have to worry about gassing my hosts.

"I made sausages, bacon and scrambled eggs. You can have some oatmeal as well, but I'd have to warm it up first", Holdwyn explained the breakfast.

"Bacon and scrambled eggs would be great. Thank you", I said and gave her another of my dashing smiles. Once again, Holdwyn blushed and looked away shily.

Hastly, she filled a plate and handed it over to me. She then leapt over to a shelf and pulled out a fork and a knive and handed them to me as well.

"Here you go. Please take a seat", Holdwyn asked me and showed me to the table.

I nodded and started eating. It was like heaven. Within seconds I was finished and looked at Holdwyn with big puppy-dog eyes. "Do you have ome more, please?", I practically begged.

Holdwyn laughed and took my plate to load it with another round of bacon and eggs. "You like our food? I always thought you elves were more into fancy food", she asked.

"There isn't really a 'you elves'. I was raised by men and you have no idea how horrible elvish food is, when you have to eat it every day. They rarely put any meat in ther dinners and after some time, even the awesomeness of their cooking abilities cannot make up for that", I explained ehile my host put a filled plate in front of me.

"You're an angel", I complimented her and started eating again.

"I guess you've come to the right place then. You won't find any fancy food here", Holdwyn promised me and proceeded to prepare two more plates with food. She put them on the table and went to Léod's bed to wake him up. At first, Léod didn't seem to eager to get up but when Holdwyn mentioned my name, he literally jumped up.

"Good morning, Tristan", Léod grinned at me and scuffled to his seat. "Since when are you awake?", he asked while practically drinking his eggs.

"Not that long. Ten minutes maybe...", I answered with a full mouth. "Sorry", I mumbled as soon as I realized and Léod and his mum started laughing.

"Don't worry. Compared to what I normally see around here, your manners are impeccable", Holdwyn reassured me and put my now empty plate in a basin, together with the pans and pots.

"So, Tristan, do you have any plans for today?", Holdwyn asked.

"Well, I figured I'd take a look around the village and help wherever help is needed and maybe give some advice on anything I can see that could need some updating", I explained, "and if I'm not needed, I'll show the kids how to play Gaelic Football."

"What is Gaelic Football?", Léod chimed in curiously.

"It's a really fun sport that my people love to play. I'll show you when I have time", I promised and got up. "Holdwyn, where can I find Déorwine?"

"If he's not outside, try the last house on the right when you turn right when you leave the house", Holdwyn said. I nodded and left, leaving most of my stuff inside.

Déorwine was running around outside so I didn't have to find his home.

"Good morning, Tristan", he greeted me and walked over to me. "What can I do for you?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing", I smiled, "I figured that since I couldn't pay you with money, I'd help with whatever you need."

Déorwine nodded. "Alright then. Come with me."

We went to one of the houses on the outskirts. The house was pretty broken down and the roof had a bunch of holes.

"Does anyone actually live there?", I asked, worried.

"Ceorl and his wife and kids live here but since he has left for Lord Éomer's army, Hild, his wife and their three kids moved in with Dernwyn. The house has been empty for about half a year", Déorwine explained.

"Well, it shouldn't be too hard to fix the holes in the roof... Is it safe to walk inside?", I asked.

Déorwine nodded and I entered through the door. It creaked laut and I realized that it was secured by only one hinge. Inside, the house look like a set from a slasher movie. Everything was beginning to rot and there was a foul smell in the air.

"Did noone take care of the house after Hild moved out?", I asked, slightly disgusted.

"We didn't have any men to fix everything. We figured that we could wait until the war is over and then rebuild the house completely", Déorwine explained.

I just nodded and walked around to asses the damage. It really didn't look good. After about ten minutes, I was finished and sighed. "Alright: From the first look, I recon we need to completely re-do the roof and the eastern wall. Honestly though, it would be easier to just tear the house down and start from scratch. How much wood do we have?", I asked.

"There is more than enough in the warehouse. But how will you build a complete house without any men. And what do you want to do with it when it's finished. I doubt that ? will move back in", Déorwine replied.

I thought for a moment. "Do you have a school...?"

"No, we don't. Not many of us can read and write and all of them are not good at it."

"I guess we have to change that then", I smiled, "what do you think of building a school?"

"Who would teach the children?", Déorwine asked.

"I could. I'd need some people to help me of course but it's not that hard."

"I guess Holdwyn and Gléowyn could help you. They are our most skilled readers and writers."

"Do you have someone who's good at maths?"

"Our treasurer is. I could ask him to help you as well."

"That'd be great! But first, we have to actually build the school. Could we maybe hold a gathering or something to assign the tasks?"

"I'll gather everyone", Déorwine said and left. I took another, closer look at the building and then left as well.

When I arrived at the town square, there were already about ten people there. Now, in daylight, I could take a better look at them. Most of them were women over 35 and their kids and grandkids who seemed to be not older than twelve. There were some girls who were in my age target group but overall I had hoped for more. Aside from Déorwine, there weren't any grown men. Not even old people.

"Hi, I'm Tristan. I guess you all know that I arrived here last night in search of a place to stay. Holdwyn and Léod were so kind to offer me a bed at theirs and I decided to pay them and all of you back by helping out to the best of my ability at everything you need. Déorwine and I, well mostly I, were planning on rebuilding Ceorl's old house into a school to teach the children and whoever wants reading, writing and maths. But before we can do so, we need your consent so I'm asking you to vote. But before you do that, does anyone have any questions?"

"We need the children to help us with work. Since our men went to war, we can barely keep up with it. Building a school and sending our children there will only worsen the problem", one of the women criticized.

"Okay... I can understand that. But going to school will improve your children's chances in the future enormously. And I promise that they will still have enough time to help you. Also, I'm there to help wherever help is necessary, as I said", I replied.

The woman nodded but didn't seem to be 100% convinced. "If you really can do what you promise, I think we all agree with your proposition. I hope for your sake that you can because you will be very sorry if anything doesn't work!", she threatened me.

"Well... alright. Anyone else? Okay. Now can i ask everyone who doesn't like my idea to raise their hand", I changed the subject.

Noone raised their hand.

"Okay. So I guess it's official: We'll build a school and the kids'll learn reading and maths and stuff", I concluded and thereby ended the meeting.

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><p><strong>And as usual please review, fav, subscribe tell your parents, do whatever you can do to make me feel good about myself ;-)<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

_And again I'm really sorry for not updating sooner but this chapter was really hard for me to write and I'm still not 100% happy with it... But I decided to leave it as it was and move on. Otherwise you would propably never see how the story will end._

_Anyways, another gigantic THANKS to_  
><em>CeresMaria<em>  
><em>Metoochocolate<em>  
><em>Tiara d' Cullen<em>

_I could tell you how awesome you are again, but I guess you know that by now ;-)_

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><p>"Who the hell was that?", I asked Déorwine when everyone had left.<p>

"Guthwyn. Don't worry. She's always like that. Her husband left for the army one week after they got married. That's three years ago and he hasn't visited her since...", Déorwine explained and we both grinned.

"Would you like to give me a tour 'round the village?", I suggested.

Déorwine nodded and off we went. There was nothing special, just the homes, the town hall and a bakery and a blacksmith which were now run by women. It was pretty underwhelming.

"For how long do you live without any guys around here? Except for you of course", I asked.

Déorwine stared into the distance. "The last grown man left a year ago. The last boy three months ago", he said grimly.

"Why did they all leave?", I asked.

"King Théoden's orders. Or Gríma Wormtongue's to be exact. He has poisoned the kings mind and has turned him against his own family. Prince Théodred and Lord Éomer are doing the best they can to protect the lands and prevent mere boys from joining the army but Gríma has made Théoden sign a law that forces every man above the age of thirteen to join the forces. Why, I do not know", Déorwine explained. Suddenly he look old, very old and weak. The stump that was left of his right arm was uselessly dangling on his side and his face showed all the pain and frustration he had felt because of his loss.

I knew that Gríma and Saruman were trying to bring down the people of Rohan but I didn't know how, except for the obvious rampaging and pillaging by woads or whatever they were and orcs and uruks. And then it hit me. I knew this village. I had seen it before. It was the one that was attacked at the beginning of 'The two Towers'. "Déorwine, forget about the school! You have to gather your thing and leave!", I nearly yelled.

Déorwine stared at me in surprise and didn't move. "Why...?", he asked, confused.

"I'm an elf. I know stuff. Now tell everyone to gather their things! We have to leave for Helm's Deep", I explained and ran for Holdwyn and Léod, leaving a stunned Déorwine behind.

"Pack your things, everything you need in one trunk and make ready to leave", I burst into the house and started throwing food on Holdwyn's bed. Holdwyn and Léod stood at the table not knowing how to react to my behaviour. "Don't stand around! Do as I said", I yelled at them. Léod jumped a bit and hid behind his mother, terrified.

"What is going on?", Holdwyn asked, slightly angry.

"You have to get to Helm's deep. There are too many woads, orcs and uruks around for you to be safe. If they get here, they'll kill all of you!", I explained.

"We know of the threat. Saruman's creatures have been roaming our lands for half a year now", Holdwyn said calmly.

"Why are you still here then?"

"Because they haven't attacked us yet and there is no reason for them to do so now."

"How can you be so dumb? They will attack you if you stay here. I can guarantee you that. Now get your ass moving!"

Holdwyn opened her mouth to say something but before she had the chance to, we heard screams coming from outside.

"Hide!", I odered Holdwyn and Léod. They were terrified now and Léod started to sob. "You'll be fine", I tried to calm him down and gave Holdwyn a look that said 'I will protect you with my life but do exactly as I told you!'.

Then I stepped outside. It took me a lot of willpower to not turn around and hide as well. The village was being overrun by a bunch of really mean-looking uruks. Most of the women layed dead in front of their houses and the buildings on the outskirts of the town were set on fire. I could hear children scream out of fear and because they were searching for their mothers while the women tried to get the children to shut up and hide or run. Déorwine was nowhere to be seen which left me as the commanding officer, read: only person to look competent enough to give orders. That didn't mean that I actually knew what to do. The uruks seemed to have come to that conclusion as well because they merrily massacred on and ignored me completely. At least at first. Then, one of them made the mistake of attacking me and thereby snapped me out of my trance. I opened his stomach with one clean move and then finally started killing the other uruks as well. It went quite well until one of the bigger uruks shoved me inside a burning house and then made the door frame collapse in front of me.  
>Once I had looked around and found no place to flee or hide, I panicked. I insulted the uruks with everything I could come up with and kicked and punched the parts of the wall that weren't on fire, trying to get a hole into them. When I figured that my tactic wouldn't work, I simply gave up. I curled myself up in the middle of the room and prayed to every god I could think of to be nice and to forgive me for not believing in them. But before I could finish the, to be honest pretty extensive, list, I didn't have any oxygen anymore and passed out.<p>

When I woke up, everything around me was black. I was kinda underhelmed. If this was death, it was pretty boring. And it wasn't even warm.  
>Suddenly, I heard someone whispering. I turned around and saw Holdwyn, Léod and two other little kids sitting by a fire.<p>

"So, I'm not dead?", I asked and sat up. I had finally realized that it was dark and cold because it was night.  
>Holdwyn turned around and rushed over to me. "How are you feeling?", she asked.<p>

"I'm alright. What exactly happened?"

"Léod and I hid as you told us. When we were sure that the uruks had left, we got out of our hiding spot and I looked for survivors. For some reason they didn't burn our house. Maybe they thought that it was empty or that the fire would spill to the other houses. Anyways, I had heard your screams and went into the house and got you out of there. Elfwine and Elfwyn were the only other survivors I could find", Holdwyn explained.

I looked over to the kids and my gaze was met by two pairs of terrified eyes which were red from crying.

"Their mum?", I asked and smiled at the kids.

"They didn't make it", Holdwyn answered sadly.

"Déorwine?"

Holdwyn just shook her head and got up. "Do you want something to eat?"

I just shook my head and got up. I was completely numb. Now, I had to take care of a woman and three traumatized kids. And I could barely take care of myself. There had always been a big guy to look out for me and tell me what to do.  
>At this moment, I realized that Aragorn was right. Tagging along with the fellowship was one of the worst ideas I ever had. The reason why Elrond hadn't forbid me to go was propably because I knew what was gonna happen. And there'd been Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli and Legolas to protect me. But they weren't here anymore.<p>

"What is closer, Edoras or Helm's Deep?", I asked and sat down by the fire.

"Edoras. We could make it there in 5 days if we walk fast and only rest for a few hours", Holdwyn answered and gave me a bowl of soup and a piece of bread. When I smelled the soup, I realized that I hadn't eaten since breakfast which was roughly 18 hours ago. Within seconds, I had eaten up.

"How much food do we have?"

"More than enough if we want to go to Edoras. The uruks were only interested in killing and destroying not in gathering food"

"That's lucky... I guess. Have you slept already?"

"No, the kids couldn't sleep."

"Yeah, not so surprising. Do you think we could move out now? You'd have to lead the way though."

Holdwyn looked at the kids and our stuff and then nodded. We packed our things as compact as possible and then got the kids up. The kids Holdwyn found were siblings, boy and girl and the boy, Elfwine had seen his mum get slaughtered while Elfwine, his sister didn't dare to look. Elfwine was nine, a year younger than Elfwyn but he acted as her protector and made sure to always be close by when anyone talk to his sister. At first he was suspicious of me but after a few hours he was too tired to object to anything I said and even let me carry him when he couldn't walk anymore.

Our journey to Edoras was pretty uneventful. Holdwyn, the kids and I rarely talked except for the necessary occasions and we didn't meet any people, or even animals. The nights weren't as peaceful as they days though. After a lot of arguing, Holdwyn and I had decided to split watch so that she could sleep four hours and I two. I had offered her to take the watch on my own but she insisted that I got some sleep. The first night, I dreamt of Amon Hen and Boromir's upcoming death and woke up covered in sweat. At first I thought that it was just because I felt kinda guilty of letting him die but when the dream returned every single night, I got the impression that someone wanted to tell me something.  
>Aside from that, nothing happend though. That is until we met the small private army of one clearly pissed former marshall of the Mark. He ran into us the evening of our third day on the road. We were about to make camp for the night when I heard a thunder that became louder and louder.<p>

"Holdwyn, I think we're about to get company", I warned her quietly and ushered the kids behind me to protect them. Pretty useless, I know but it's the thought that counts. Holdwyn just nodded and stood next to me.

Luckily, Éomer's gang saw that there were children amongst us and decided against killing us. They gallopped towards us and a foot before we were trampeled to death, they stopped. Éomer stepped forward and eyeballed us. "Who are you?", he asked.

"Well, I'm Tristan and these are Holdwyn, Léod, Elfwyn and Elfwine. We were on our way to Edoras because their village was attacked by uruks and they burned everything down", I explained, "we were hoping that the king could give them shelter."

After one last scan, Éomer got off his horse and took of his helmet. "I am deeply sorry for the pain you experienced. However, I do not think that the king will happily welcome you to Edoras. His mind has been poisoned by Gríma Wormtongue and he has stopped caring for his people", Éomer said grimly. "But let us talk about that after we have eaten", he added when he saw the frightened and tired looks of the little ones. He then turned to his army and ordered them to make camp and prepare a tent for us as well.

"You really don't have to make camp just because of us", I protested but Éomer shrugged it off.

"We were about to make camp anyways", he said and went to help his men.

After everything was set up and the kids were sleeping, Holdwyn and I joined Éomer at the fire.

"How are the children coping?", Éomer asked.

"Considering the circumstances... Léod and Elfwyn are alright I guess but Elfwine, I'm not so sure of. He saw the uruks kill his mother and pretty much everyone else he knew", I answered snd stared into the fire. Éomer nodded and did the same.

"What happened?", Éomer asked. So I explained everything from the moment I arrived until we ran into Éomer, carefully excluding any details about myself.

"How come, an elf lingers in Rohan?", Éomer asked after some time.

"I'm from Rivendell and was visiting some friends in Lórien and was on my way back home and decided to stay at Holdwyn's village for a few days to restock my supplies and to be honest, because I needed the company of men after months of hanging around the most elvish of elves", I lied.

"You grow tired of the company of your own people?", Éomer asked surprised.

"I grew up amongst men and only quite recently started to hang with elves", I explained, "elves can be really nice at first but after some time they become really creepy and they're pretty racist. Especially the Lórien-elves."

"Where are you from then?", Éomer asked.

"Atlanta in America. It's not in Middle-Earth. It's a huge island in the west", I lied again. Éomer just nodded and seemed to think about what I'd said. He'd obviously never heard of America let alone Atlanta.

"Where are you heading?", I asked after a long silence.

"I don't know. We will go wherever uruks and Dunlendings attack our people. If our king cannot guarantee the safety of our people, we have to", Éomer said grimly.

"So you'll go after the uruks who destroyed our village?", Holdwyn piped up

"Yes we will. I already sent a party of scouts to track their movement and in the morning we will ride", Éomer explained, "you should rest. We will move out at the crack of dawn and you look as if you had not slept much in a while."

Holdwyn and I nodded and left for our tent. Being the gentleman that I am, I let her get dressed first and waited outside. Once she was ready, I came in and waited for her to fall asleep before I left again. I knew that I had to at least pretend to go to bed, otherwise she would get up and make me.

"Why are you still up?", Éomer asked me, suspicious.

"Couldn't sleep. You?"

"The same. Why is it that you cannot sleep? You said yourself that you barely slept for three days."

"Long story... The end of it is that a few buddies of mine are running around Amon Hen and I have a very, very bad feeling that they'll run into uruks or something and not all of them will make it."

"What are 'buddies'?"

"Mates, friends, companions."

"And why are you not with your friends now?"

"We got into a fight and I decided to leave."

"And do you think you can talk about it and put your quarrel aside?"

"...Yes, I think so."

"Then why are you still here? Go and help them!"

"But..."

"Don't worry. I will make sure that Holdwyn and the children are taken care of."

"Oemer, you're an angel! You're so much smarter than you look. I owe you one big time!", I said overexcited, gave the confused marshall a hug and ran to get my stuff.

"It is Éomer", Éomer protested, slightly confused.

"No it's not. Trust me", I insisted and I was gone.

About a minute later, I was back. Since Déorwine had given his speech the morning we were attacked, I had decided that, if I could, I would save Boromir whatever the consequences. He had saved my life three times in about one month and aside from that debt, he was my big brother now. Gandalf would propably try to kill me, and I didn't even want to think about what Galadriel would do, but whatever. I would've gone then but until now, I was busy making sure that Holdwyn and the little ones were safe.

"You promise they'll be alright?", I asked Éomer.

"Yes. I will send four of my best men to accompany them to Edoras and put them in the care of my sister", Éomer reassured me.

"Thanks man. Whenever you need help with anything, let me know and I'll be there", I said overly excited and gave Éomer another hug.

"You're welcome", Éomer muttered completely confused.

"I'm off then. Take care. See ya soon", I said and started to walk away.

"Do you expect us to meet again?", Éomer asked, still having no idea what was happening to him.

"I have a hunch... Oh, and if you, by accident, happen to run into a bunch of uruks near Fangorn be so kind and make sure that you don't kill any hobbits. They look just like children except for their big and hairy feet" I added and then I was gone for good.

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><p><strong>As usual, please review, fav, subscribe and whatnot. PLEASE?<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

_And again, I'm sorry for taking so long with updating and then putting up such a short chapter but as I said before, uni, theater and rugby are really stressing me out at the moment and since the German championships and all my exams are coming up, I decided to put This is not a Musical on hiatus until mid to late July. But I promise that I'll be back by then with a long new chapter._

_But for now, I can do nothing more than say sorry again and thank_  
><em>Metoochocolate<em>  
><em>Tiara d' Cullen<br>and CeresMaria for their consistent indescribable awesomeness_  
><em>and ForeverDancer for subscribing and being awesome as well<em>

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><p>I don't think I ever ran as fast as I did now. This was also the time at which I realised what useful advantages being an elf had. I ran for days straight without breaks except for the necessities (drinking and eating and getting rid of the above), always worrying that I would be too late.<p>

"Boromir, watch out!", I screamed and put my right arm around his chest to yank him to the side. Just in that moment, the arrow hit us. Boromir and me looked at the piece of wood that was now stuck in my arm, right above Boromir's heart. When we heard the buzzing of another arrow flying our way we snapped out of our trance and I, this time successfully, pulled Boromir to the ground.

"You protect the hobbits and I take care of Nemesis" I said and ran directly at Lurtz who seemed more angry and annoyed than usual. He fired two more arrows at me but I dodged them both.

When I was about four feet away from him he had bend his bow again and was ready to fire. I stopped abruptly and stared at him, knowing that that was it. This time I couldn't dodge the arrow. The world around me slowed down and Lurtz put on a wide, evil grin as he pulled the string back further and further.

"Tristan!", I heard Boromir yell from somewhere far away but I knew, that this time, the Gondorian couldn't help me.

Suddenly, someone cut the arrow with a sword and tackled Lurtz to the ground. It took me a few moments to realize, that it was Aragorn.

"Tristan, are you alright?", I heard Legolas ask.

That brought me back to earth. I nodded and looked to Aragorn, who had just gotten a head butt from the uruk and was wobbling about. I ran towards Lurtz and tried to tackle him sword-first. He managed to parry the sword but I still knocked him over. When we both got up, he grabbed the arrow in my arm and moved it around while swinging his blade at my head. I screamed in pain and black dots appeared before my eyes. Before Lurtz's blade could chop my head off, Aragorn parried it and in return chopped Lurtz's head off. I looked at Aragorn gratefully but then quickly turned my head to vomit.

"I'm okay", I reassured him and stumbled towards the battle. Aragorn gave me a second worried look but then joined us to kill the rest of Saruman's henchmen.

"They've taken the hobbits!", Boromir yelled when he realised that the uruks were leaving. He was about to run after them but Aragorn stopped him.

"We cannot leave now", Aragorn said and shot a look in my direction. Once the fighting had stopped, I had sat down and desperately tried to stop the world from spinning but so far I hadn't been successfull.

"Can you walk?", Legolas asked who was by my side immediately.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just needed a short break. I'm 100% ready to kick some orc butt", I declared and jumped up. For a few seconds everything around me went black but I managed to pretend like I was okay. "What are you waiting for?", I asked, annoyed that the others only gave me worried looks and didn't bother to run after the uruks.

"Right. We have to get back to camp and pack supplies. But leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light", Aragorn finally announced.

"Oh, and since you've asked: Frodo and Sam are off on their honeymoon", I chipped in casually.

"Should we go after them?", Aragorn asked while we put together our luggage.

"No, not really. I can't stand them to be honest", I admitted.

Aragorn critically raised an eyebrow but didn't go into it. "There is still an arrow embedded in your arm. I need to get it out now before it get's infected", he changed the subject and took my arm.

"You can do that later. It doesn't hurt or anything", I tried to get rid of him.

"It might be poisoned. And even if it is not, your arm can become infected", Aragorn insisted.

"Whatever", I mumbled knowing that I couldn't stop him anyways and let Aragorn work his magic.

"Boromir, find a thick branch. Tristan needs something to bite down", Aragorn ordered after a first inspection.

"What are you going to do?", I asked fearfully. It didn't exactly sound comfortable and I had seen enough movies to know that it wasn't unusual to get out of the situation with one less arm.

"Don't worry. Everything will be alright. We have to pull out the arrow and it looks as if the arrow is embedded inside your bone which makes it more complicated", Aragorn tried to calm me down but it didn't really work.

"Will I keep my arm? Attached to my body I mean. I've grown quite fond of it, you know", I tried to cheer everyone, especially me up.  
>Aragorn didn't answer but instead nodded to Boromir who the put the branch between my teeth. "I need you to hold Tristan's arm steady", Aragorn instructed and Boromir grabbed my wrist. Now I was absolutely terrified. Aragorn hadn't said if I'd get to keep my arm. It was only my left arm, but still.<p>

"Whatever happens, I want you to look at me!", Legolas, who had sat down in front of me and taken my free hand commanded. I nodded and started a staring contest with him.  
>Suddenly I felt Boromir crushing my wrist and Aragorn pull at the arrow and it hurt like hell! I bit down on the branch so hard that I expected it to shatter any moment. Then I felt a warm fluid running down my arm. I wanted to look at what Aragorn was doing but Legolas grabbed my chin.<p>

"I told you to look at nothing except me", he scolded me.

I nodded weakly and then I felt another pull. Again I bit down on the branch but after a few seconds, my arm stopped hurting and went numb. I stared at Legolas in shock. Did Aragorn just amputate me?

"It's over. You did great", Legolas smiled kind sad and took the branch out of my mouth, "you can look now, if you want."I didn't stop looking at Legolas though. I was absolutely not ready to see the stump that was left of my arm.

"You still have your arm", Legolas added. He seemed to have understood why I hesitated.

Slowly, I turned my head. My arm was still there but when I tried to move it, nothing happened. "I can't move my arm", I panicked.

"Don't worry. I numbed it", Aragorn calmed me down, "the feeling will come back in a few hours and in a few weeks, your arm should be as good as new."

"Thanks", I said and only then realized that my voice had gone hoarse, "can I get up?"

"Yes. But you have to make sure that you rest your arm as much as possible. It would be best if you didn't use it at all", Aragorn instructed me. I nodded and punched Aragorn in the face as hard as I could. He fell back and everyone stared at me in utter disbelief.

"I guess I deserved that", Aragorn said once he had regained his composure and checked his face.

"You don't bleed anywhere and your nose is alright as well", I said and got up. "Come on, do you want to sit down there all day?", I teased Aragorn and offered him my hand to pull him up. Aragorn accepted it and as soon as he stood pulled me in a bear hug.

"Thank you for coming back", he said and then stepped back. "Tristan is right. Gather your things. We will not let Merry and Pippin fall victim to Saruman's creatures!"

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><p><strong>I hope you're alright with me saving Boromir. I wrote two versions of this chapter because I couldn't decide, so if a whole bunch of you don't like it, I wouldn't mind putting up the dead Boromir-version and go from there... You just have to say so.<br>**

**You know the drill: review, subscribe, ...**


	13. Intermission while I have to study

_Hey guys, first: I'M REALLY, REALLY SORRY that I haven't updated yet and propably won't until early september but studying for uni has gotten a lot harder than I thought it would. As compensation for the delay, here is chapter twelve how it could have been when Boromir had died. It's not finished but anyways, here you go:_

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><p>I don't think I ever ran as fast as I did now. This was also the time at which I realised what useful advantages being an elf had. I ran for days straight without breaks except for the necessities (drinking and eating and getting rid of the above), always worrying that I would be too late.<p>

About a mile before Amon Hen I heard Boromir's horn. I silently cursed to myself and ran even faster. I was gonna make it. I had to. I could not let Boromir die. He didn't deserve it.

When I arrived at the clearing, the first thing I saw was Boromir kneeling on the ground. There were two arrows embedded in his chest and I watched in horror as a third on entered right under his heart.

"Boromir!", I yelled and ran towards him. Boromir looked up to me and his eyes said everything. It was too late but the most prominent emotion in his eyes was regret.

"I am so sorry", he whispered and turned to face Lurtz who was now standing above him and pulled the string of his loaded bow back to finish Boromir off.

"No", I screamed and launched myself at Lurtz.

I can't remember what happened after that. Legolas later told me that I was beating the sh*t out of Lurtz, even when he was laying dead on the ground. Legolas said that I shattered his face into tiny pieces and Gimli and he had a difficult time getting me off him. When I finally stopped beating Lurtz, I just stood there and looked into nothingness.

The next thing I remembered was Boromir's burial. It was quite beatiful and worthy of the man Boromir was but I let it pass without paying much attention. Now, there was only one thing on my mind: Revenge. On a distant second place there was saving Middle-Earth but that had to wait for now.

I snapped out of my trance when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I am so sorry", Aragorn said compassionately but I just shrugged him off. I didn't need his pity. It wouldn't bring Boromir back. At first, Aragorn just looked at me worriedly but then he let it be and turned away. "Leave all that can be spared behind. We travel light. Let's hunt some orcs!", he declared and with grim determination we took our weapons and necessary supplies and ran after the uruks.


	14. Chapter 13

_Look at me! I finished the chapter before my deadline! I'm so proud of myself! You shouldn't expect to hear from me again until Spetember 7th though. I hope to have finished another chapter by then but I cannot promise anything._

_Also, I'm planning on rewriting this story because there are a few things that bother me that I can't write out of the story now. So any feedback on what I could do and could have done better would be very much appreciated_

_Belated but big THANK YOUs go out to:_  
><em>CeresMaria for reviewing<em>  
><em>Watashi wa LOTR Fan for reviewing<em>  
><em>Metoochocolate for reviewing<em>  
><em>Scarlet Rebelle for reviewing<em>  
><em>and FrenchRenegade for faving and subscribing<em>

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><p>"Actually... I wasn't worried about Merry and Pip. I just wanted to get out of here. I'm not that fond of the smell of uruks", I said, "and also: I'm not really back. I just dropped by to save Boromir's life."<p>

Aragorn turned around and stared at me in utter confusion. "What?"

"I screwed up enough already with saving random people's lives. I really should leave you to do this on your own. Don't worry, it'll all work out just fine", I tried to explain without giving too much away.

"What are you talking about, laddie?", Gimli asked, having no idea what was going on.

"Tristan has to leave", Aragorn answered, apparently knowing what was going on, and turned towards Gimli, Legolas and Boromir, "he is needed in Rivendell."

"Yep, so guess I'll see you around", I said and left my baffled friends behind.

My first stop on the way to Valinor was Lórien. I didn't really want to go there but I needed munchies. And where else to get them but Lórien? I just really hoped that Galadriel and her husband didn't hold grudges. Otherwise, my death was imminent.

The journey there was actually quite fun. I was kind of an outdoors-y person anyways and walking and climbing through a forest with a river next to me was really great. And since there weren't any uruks around, I didn't have to bother about viciously getting stabbed, which raised the fun-factor immensely. The only problem was food. I still had enough lembas to last me a year but it wasn't exactly tasty and eating that stuff everyday was definitely going to drive me mad in a few weeks. And since I knew absolutely nothing about Middle Earth-ian flora, I didn't want to eat whatever fruits and berries were around. Aragorn had tried to teach me about what to eat and what not to eat but, as usual, I hadn't listened to a word he said. Now, it was coming back at me.

Anyways, I was walking around for three days when I saw a bunch of boats floating down the Anduin. At first, I didn't bother much because I figured that Elrond had sent Elves (that weren't really under his command, by the way) to get killed, trying to help Théoden defend Helm's Deep. What I didn't expect though, was seeing Haldir sit in one of the boats. That noob seemed to think that he could go through with ignoring my advice!

"Oi, Haldir! What the hell do you think you're doing?", I yelled at him once he was withing hearing range.

"Tristan? What are you doing here? I thought you went to Rohan", Haldir replied confused and ordered his men to slow down.

"I was actually on my way home. Didn't I tell you to take some time off?" It must have looked extremely ridiculous, a teenage elf scolding a thousands of years old warrior in full armour but if there was one unnecessary death in Peter Jackson's trilogy, it was Haldir's. And I definitely wasn't gonna let that happen.

"But it is my duty to defend my people and aid other peoples in defending themselves from the Great Shadow as well", Haldir tried to argue. He was pretty embarassed by the situation. Especially considering my questionable reputation.

"The hell you do! When I told you to take a vacation, I didn't just do it to annoy you. Go back to Lórien", I urged him.

"What is your intent behind asking me stay to behind then?", Haldir asked, glaring at me in annoyance.

"I can't tell you. But please!", I begged.

"Since you obviously cannot bring forward a good reason, I must ask you to let us pass in peace. May the Valar always watch over and guide you", Haldir said, still annoyed but now poignantly formal and polite and ordered his men to row at normal speed again.

I stood at shore, jumping from one foot to the other and having absolutely no idea what to do now. Haldir was obviously old enough to make his own decisions and he knew the risk he would take by fighting but then again, "You're going to die!", I blurted out.

Haldir remained calm but I could swear, that for a tiny moment he had flinched. "If that is my destiny then I will gladly await it", he said in a calm and determined voice.

"Please!", I pleaded but to no avail. Haldir and his men were rowing onwards, completely ignoring me as they floated by.

When the boats were out of sight, I started towards Lórien but about a minute later I turned around and ran towards Helm's Deep, determined to save Haldir. But then I turned around again. I had tried to save him twice but maybe he didn't want to be saved. But then again... That went on for about an hour and when I finally decided to sit down and rest a bit, I still had no idea what to do. I silently cursed myself and was being a wreck in general. I had saved Boromir, so why not Haldir as well? If one of the two should have died it was Boromir. And so far, the universe hadn't exploded. But Boromir didn't know that he could die. Haldir was willingly going towards his death. Aaargh! This was like trying to decide whether I myself would kill Haldir or not. In the end, I couldn't let Haldir die, knowing that I didn't really try to prevent it. I already saw myself pissing myself and runnning away before the battle even started but I had to at least make an effort. Helm's Deep it was then.

And again, I was running through the forest and then open field. It was starting to becom a habit and I didn't like it. Playing any sport? Count me in anytime. But just running? Definitely not my thing. And my surroundings weren't very interesting which just made the situation much worse. The only way for me to kill time was trying to calculate which way Haldir and his men were going, when they would arrive and when the uruks would arrive. Once I had worked that out I tried to calculate when I would arrive. And trust me, I didn't look good. If my (admittantly extremely optimistic) calculations were correct I would meet the uruks on my way to the fortress. Life definitely wasn't fair for me at the moment.

In retrospect, it most likely would've been wiser to not go with the all-time classic 'don't worry it'll all just work out fine' and run to Edoras where I knew the uruks wouldn't attack but I wasn't exactly wise at the time (and there are still discussion about whether I am now) and since I had decided to save Haldir's ass, I had to leg it and get to Helm's Deep before the uruks. Which wasn't easy, especially since I had absolutely no idea, where the furt of the Entwash was. In my calculations I simply assumed that I would run directly at the Entwade and therefore not lose any time looking for it but realistically speaking, this was not gonna happen.

And it didn't. When I arrived at the river I tried to simply cross it, hoping that it was shallow enough but two steps in, I was already shoulder deep in the water. And the current which I had totally forgotten about, was way to strong for me. Unfortunately, I realized that a little too late. Before I could do anything, I was swept off my feet and pulled under water. The general direction I was floating for seemed right but that didn't really help me when I drowned. I started panicking and and struggeled my way to the water surface only to be pulled down again before I could take a short breath. I managed to get some fresh air into my lungs but that was joined by what felt like gallons of dirty, bad tasting river water. I tried to spit it out but since I was under water, I only breathed in even more water. Slowly, I was getting weaker and weaker up to the point where I could see my past life flash by before my eyes. Just when I was about to give up, I heard a voice in my head. No, it wasn't Boromir, or Aragorn or anyone I looked up to really. It was Galadriel.

"Do not give up, young one. You can still save yourself and the people you love..." Mentally I was crying. And not in a good way. This was so cheesy! "...they need you, Tristan! May the Valar always be with you." And then she was gone.

Suddenly I felt a new strengh fill me and I knew that I could make it. For a second, I considered drowning, only to annoy Galadriel but then, my self-preservation drive won the upper hand and with all the strengh I could muster, I pulled myself on shore.

Once I had coughed out all the water in my lungs and calmed down a bit, I looked around, hoping that I was at least at the right side of the river. I could already see me being on the wrong side even further away from the furt. With all the luck I had at the moment... But after checking the current and the position of the sun and the mountains twice, I came to the conlusion that I was on the right side and even pretty much exactly at the point where the way to Helm's Deep was shortest. I mentally high-fived myself but then I remembered that it wasn't me who got myself here. I mean, it was but without the help of a certain mindreading lady, I would've floated away again and would definitely not be alive anymore. Actually, that was kinda suspicious. She appeared in my mind just exactly at the right moment for me to land at this point. She also appeared in my mind just before I was about to be dead but since I didn't like her anways and that (unintentional) Star Wars reference was really bad, I decided against giving her the benefit of the doubt and blamed her for this whole episode.

When I was finished doing that, I decided to hit the road and started running again. I had about three days left until the battle and well, I would have to run really, really fast if I wanted to make it in time. This was the moment, where being an elf came in handy: For those three days I ran as hard as I could, stopping for absolutely nothing, including sleep and eating (it's not as if I had something to eat anyways, the lembas I had had was swept away in the river) and, from the second day on, drinking, with the latter beging the biggest problem. After a few hours my mouth felt like the Sahara. And after a few more hours, I was pretty sure that there wasn't any liquid left in my body.

Still, I managed to get to Helm's Deep just before the uruks. And when I say 'just before', I mean 'just before'. When the Hornburg was finally in sight, I could already see the hordes of uruks stomping towards the fortress. I figured that they were a few hours away but that didn't exactly make the situation much better. They were still going to attack us and all I could think of at the moment was 'hunger', 'sleep' and 'water, lots of water'. After another hour or so, I finally crawled up the ramp and arrived at the gate.

"Hey guys! Could you please let me in?", I yelled, surprised that I could still speak, and looked expectantly at the men who were standing above the gate, wearing minimal armour and armed with anything sharp they could find. They staring at me as if I was some kind of ghost and didn't move. I suppose I did look a bit dead but that didn't keep me from wanting to get in. "Open the gate! For the love of god, please let me in!", I yelled again but still, the men didn't move. "Honestly guys, please. I'm not some kind of evil spirit or anything. Ask Aragorn or Haldir or someone! I'm totally harmless!", I tried to persuade them but they stayed where they were and continued warily staring down at me. After what seemed like forever, one of them murmured something to his mates and left. When he came back a minute later, he brought a very familiar ranger with him. When Aragorn saw me, his eyes widened and he ordered the men to open the gate for me. As soon as the crack was wide enough, I slipped through the door and motioned to the men to close the it again.

"Tristan?" Aragorn was standing before me and and looked at me disbelievingly.

I grinned at him, happy to be alive and relatively safe. "Cheers!"

And then I fainted...


	15. Chapter 14

_Soooo, as promised, here is the new chapter. Chapters 15 and 16 are nearly finished as well, so you can expect at least one more update this week._

_As usual, here are my thanks:_  
><em>CeresMaria for reviewing<em>  
><em>Metoochocolate for reviewing<em>  
><em>Tiara d' Cullen for reviewing (to all three of you: You have no idea how much I appreciate your regular feedback!)<em>  
><em>and Scarlet Rebelle for subscribing<em>

_Oh and also: I don't own the rights to A Very Potter Musical. Darren Criss and Team StarKid do._

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><p>When I woke up, I was laying on something soft. It was nice. Very nice. Death wasn't that bad after all. Once I had managed to open my eyes, I looked up at a not very beautiful, grey ceiling but who am I to make demands about how the afterlife should be like. I was lying in a nice bed and somehow was only wearing my underwear, which was weird but then again: Afterlife.<p>

After a few seconds, I realized that I was still thirsty. Not dead then, I concluded. I looked around and found a cup with water standing on the bedside table next to me. With one big gulp, I emptied the cup and put it back on the table. Suddenly, there was a kid re-filling the cup.

"Are you thirsty?", the kid asked and looked at me insecurely. I nodded and after a short second of hesitation, the kid gave me the whole amphore of water which I emptied in seconds. Then, I looked at the kid and couldn't help but grin at what I saw.

"Léod! Nice to see you around", I said and gave him a hug. "What did you do that earned you the punishment of looking after me?"

"Lord Aragorn pulled me from the ranks and said that you needed someone you know at your side when you wake up", Léod answered, smiling at me. "I'm so happy to see you again", he added.

"And where is Lord Aragorn at the moment?", I asked, still smiling.

"He is outside, preparing for battle. The uruk-hai will be here soon", Léod answered and frowned at me.

Oops, I nearly missed the battle, the reason I came here. But I wasn't gonna let that happen. "Léod, where is my stuff?", I asked and jumped up. Léod looked at me slightly afraid and pointed at a neatly folded pile of clothes with my sword on top of it. "Thanks mate", I said and got dressed within seconds. Before I left the room, I truned around and got on my knees to be at the same eye-level as Léod. "Two things little one: A: Make sure that this bed is empty when I come back. And B: If the chances of me coming back tend towards zero, i.e. we get overrun, it is your job to get to the women and children and make sure that they get out of that mountain and survive! Don't pull any heroics, just make sure that everyone is fine. Understood?" Léod looked at me wide-eyed and slowly nodded. "See ya", I said and then closed the door behind me.

Outside, I had to fight my way through the masses of way too old or way too young people who were running around with very rudimentary weapons and armour. Every few meters I asked one of them if they had seen Aragorn but none of them had. When I finally found him, he was already standing on the wall and giving some sort of motivational speech to the elves, I guess.

"Hey guys. I heard you wanted to fight without me!", I yelled at them and climbed onto the wall.

"You should not be out of bed!", Aragorn greeted me back. The rest was just confusedly staring at me.

"Nice to see you, Tristan. I'm so happy that you came to aid us in this fight, Tristan. Thank you so much for running after Haldir and nearly drowning only to make sure that he doesn't get himself killed, Tristan. You're welcome. Always a pleasure", I growled at him.

That seemed to remind Aragorn of his manners and he stepped forward and gave me a hug. "I am happy to see you but you shouldn't have come. This isn't going to be a battle, it will be a massacre. I had hoped to keep you out of this", he explained and looked at me sadly, as if I was already dead.

"Blame this on Haldir. I told him to stay at home but he didn't listen to me and now I have to baby-sit him and make sure he doesn't get himself killed", I defend myself and glared at Haldir who was still standing there like a pillar of salt. "By the way, where are Boromir, Legolas and Gimli?"

"They are trying to find Gimli some fitting armour", Aragorn said and grinned slightly. Yeah, that scene where Gimli tries on the way to big chainmail. Classy stuff.

"Since I assume that I cannot get you to sit this battle out, please try at least to stay close to us", Aragorn returned to the topic. He knew me too well.

"That was my initial plan anways." I stepped forward and looked down the wall when I saw something not good: The culvert. How could I have forgotten about that? "Aragorn", I tried to get his attention. He was already talking to the elves again. "Aragorn!"

"What is it?", Aragorn turned to me and looked slighty annoyed.

"The Culprit. We have to barricade it or the uruks will break through", I explained and pointed at the little iron bars.

"How would they manage that? The culert is much to small for any of them to crawl through, especially fully armed", Aragorn tried to calm me down. Obviously he had forgotten that I knew what was gonna happen.

"You prevented Théoden from killing Gríma, right?" Aragorn nodded. "Okay. The thing is, Gríma told Saruman about the hole and Saruman has managed to build a bomb and with it, he's going to blow up a huge part of the wall. Namely the one WITH THE CULPRIT IN IT!", I yelled.

Now, Aragorn seemed to get what I wanted to say. "What do you want us to do about that?", he asked worriedly.

"Pretty simple really: Build a mural in front of it. But since that's not gonna happen: Put everything heavy and hard to destroy in front of it. metal, stones, death metal, whatever you can find", I explained and was incredibly proud of myself. Just in that moment, the uruk army came 'round the corner and I froze. That were a whole lot of uruks.

"Never mind that. Just tell your archers to look out for an especially ugly uruk who's carrying a sparkling torch and shoot him as soon as possible", I told Aragorn and took a step closer to him.

"Are you afraid?", Aragorn whispered to me so no human could hear it but considering that we were standing next to elves he could as well have shouted the question and it wouldn't have made a difference. I just nodded and Aragorn put his hand on my shoulder. "You can still leave. I would not think lesser of you if you did", he offered.

"Yeah, you may not, but everyone else and especially I will", I argued.

"I won't either", a voice from behind me said and when I turned around, Boromir was standing there looking as worried as Aragorn did a minute ago.

"Not helping...", I said and gave him a friendly punch in the stomach.

"If it makes you feel better: I would think considerably lesser of you if you ran away now, laddie", Gimli said and grinned at me.

"Thanks a lot Gimli", I smiled at him. "Not gotten a fitting chainmail I assume?" Gimli was wearing what he was always wearing but to be honest, he didn't look as if he needed that much extra protection.

"The ones they had were a little tight 'round the chest", he grinned.

Suddenly, four elvish arms gripped me from behind and dragged me down the stairs.

"What the-? Aragorn, tell them to let go of me!", I yelled, "tell them to let me go or I'll personally come and kill you if anything happens to Haldir! I swear, if you don't tell them to let me go, I will come and hunt you down wherever you are!"

What followed were a bunch of swearwords, most of them aimed at Aragorn's family, that I better not repeat... Aragorn didn't seem to care though and just nodded to the elves who were pulling me along.

When we were out of Aragorn's sight, I pleaded them both in Westron and extremely broken Sindarin to let me go but they didn't show any reaction and just walked on. In the end, they shoved me in the caves and bound me to a pillar, under my vehement protest, while the women and kids were staring at us. When the elves were finished, they simply left without a word.

After I had calmed down and assessed the situation, it became pretty clear that I wouldn't get free easily. The elves had tied me up with Elven Rope and if that wasn't bad enough they had made a knot that they had had thousand of years time to perfect. Me being extremely tired and weak didn't help either. In the end, I had to ask for help.

"Excuse me, mam, do you know a Holdwyn?", I asked the woman who was sitting closest to me.

The woman looked at me shyly and then shook her head. "I'm sorry mylord but I do not. I will find her for you though, if that is your wish", she suggested.

"Thank you. I would be very grateful for that", I answered and gave her my best son-in-law smile.

The woman blushed and started searching. A few minutes later, she came back with Holdwyn in tow. Holdwyn looked pretty good considering the circumstances. She was healthy and neat but she had huge rings under her eyes.

"Thank you very much. I am in your debt", I said to the other woman and with a bow, she left.

"So, what did you do that earned you this?", Holdwyn asked skeptically.

"Nothing really. I just wanted to save a friend's life but Lord Aragorn and said friend didn't want me to", I answered truthfully.

"And you want me to untie you so you can join the battle and rescue your friend", Holdwyn guessed.

"That was the general idea, yes."

"Looking at your state I don't consider that a good idea though. You really should rest for a few hours."

"I did rest for a few hours already. And it's not as if I could rest now anyways."

"You might be right but I still will not let you go to your death, if I can help it. And I can."

"But I need to save Haldir! I can't let him die!"

"I will not let you die in his stead!"

"That is not your decision to make!"

By now, we were yelling at each other and the whole cave was silent and staring at us. Instead of giving me contra, Holdwyn just looked at me with an expression that nearly made me take everything back and apologize. She looked so sad and, of all things, old, it hurt.

"Please. I couldn't live, knowing that I didn't even try saving his life", I quietly begged her. I knew that I was absolutely not in a state to fight but hey, neither was Aragorn. And neither were the men standing on the wall. Most of them were either much too young to be strong enough to lift a sword or much too old. If anything, I would lift the average of fighting ability.

Holdwyn looked at me worriedly but finally gave in. "Alright. But stay safe and please look after Léod. I couldn't stand losing one of you", she said.

"Oh, you don't know? Léod's not gonna fight. He's on watch duty. Aragorn got him off fighting", I quickly explained. Seriously, did noone think about telling her? Not very sensible.

"He's not gonna fight?" Holdwyn's face lit up.

"Nope. He's got to keep my bed ready for me. That might eventually involve fighting off other people who want to take a nap but that's it."

"Praise Eru!", Holdwyn exclaimed happily and hugged me.

"That guy didn't really have anything to do with that..."

"Remind me to thank Lord Aragorn after the battle!"

"No prob."

Holdwyn had suddenly become pretty certain of us winning the battle. Not that we wouldn't but... Well, as long as she got me out of here, she could behave however she wanted.

"So... You're gonna untie me now?", I cut back to the chase.

"Oh, yes yes, here you go", Holdwyn snapped out of her happy thoughts and untied the knot. Or what I thought was a knot.

"There wasn't any knot. The rope was simply twisted", Holdwyn explained surprised.

"What?"

"No knot. You could have freed yourself."

Okay, that was unexpected. Maybe I wasn't the only person who didn't want to see Haldir dead. But I thought they didn't speak a word Westron. Well...

"So, do you want to sit here and think about why they didn't use a knot or do you want to help your friend?", Holdwyn pulled me out of my several conspiracy theories.

"Er... Yes, thank you." I jumped to my feet and gave Holdwyn a hug, partly to say goodbye but also because my circulation didn't get up as fast as I. Once the black in front of my eyes was gone, I let Holdwyn go and took off.

Did she really just remind me to go into battle. Five minutes earlier she yelled at me to stay in the caves. Please someone explain women to me!

Outside of the caves, Helm's Deep was empty except for the men on the wall and dead silent. Aragorn had stationed the elves right above the culprit, exactly where I had planned to go. Instead, I decided to take my place somewhere in the middle between Aragorn and the gate.

I queued between two old guys and smiled encouraging at them. They both stared at me and it took them both a few seconds to be able to speak.

"You don't have a bow", the one to my left finally managed to say.

"Yep", I answered. Of all the things he could have said, he chose to tell me that I don't have a bow. Really? Unbelievable but true: I knew that.

"How come you are not with your own people?", the other guy asked me.

"Long story. I'll tell you after the battle."

The guys just nodded amd we focused on the advancing uruks. And there were a lot of uruks. Us being in a castle had its advantages but objectively speaking, we were dead. The numbers were at least ten to one.

All in all not really one of the nicest situations I'd gotten myself into. Actually, I was nearly crapping my pants. And I was tired. I don't know how I did it, but I fell asleep standing there.

"Are you alright?", the guy to my right woke me up.

"Yeah sure, just focusing", I lied and smiled at him.

Two seconds later, I was nearly falling asleep again. Because sleeping during a battle was universally regarded as rather bad, I did the only thing I knew that would keep me awake: I started singing. At first I was just quietly murmuring to myself but after three repeats, I was practically belting it out.

We must unite  
>So we can fight<br>Turn the Battle around  
>Time's running out<br>It's time to shout  
>Saruman is going down<p>

Suddenly, The guys next to me joined in and then the guys next to them and the next and so on. Within a few minutes all of Helm's Deep was singing 'A very Potter Musical'. I looked at my neighbour and grinned at him. He grinned back but I assume not out of the same reasons as I. If I was to survive the battle this was definitely going into Google+ under Bragging Rights.

But before I could do that, I first had to survive the battle. Speaking of which, the uruks shot first. Apparently, at least some of them were as nervous as us. It could possibly have been an orc who shot but I can't really tell the difference between a tall ork and a short uruk, so let's just assume that it was an uruk.

Anyways, the arrow flew towards the elves and embedded itself in a shield. For a few seconds, it was so quiet that you could've heard a needle drop, but then, the uruk chief shouted something and then it began.


	16. Chapter 15

_As promised, here is the next chapter. It was really hard to write because I'd kinda written myself into a corner with Tristan being completely drained but still standing on the wall determined to save Haldir... So here's the best I could come up with._

_As usuall, my thanks go to_  
><em>Metoochocolate<em>  
><em>and CeresMaria for reviewing<em>  
><em>as well as "newbie" PatonxJulia for reviewing and subscribing<em>

* * *

><p>At first, the battle went quite well. Well... considering that it was a battle which we would most likely lose (unless of course you knew about certain people who would be late... Wait, this certain person is never late, they arrive exactly when they plan to!) When the uruks shot their first volley of arrows, my adrenalin started pumping and my fatigue left. I took the bow and quiver of a dead guy and shot at the uruks until I had no arrows left. When the first uruks managed to climb on the wall, everything around me was already a blur and I honestly can't tell you what I did for the next hour or so.<p>

The first thing I could remember was me lying on the floor and Boromir standing over me, his sword in a uruk that looked like he would've killed me.

"Are you alright?", Boromir growled at me without really looking.

"Yep", I answered and got to my feet.

"Aragorn is going to kill you when this is over", Boromir informed me and killed a few uruks that were attacking us.

"Well, guess I better get myself killed now then", I tried to joke but Boromir didn't seem to find it that funny.

So I went back to killing uruks. After a minute or so though, a problem started to arise. Getting out of the trance also meant that my adrenalin had stopped pumping. The first few uruks were still easy to kill but after what felt like a few seconds, I couldn't even lift my sword properly and I had to lean against the wall so I wouldn't collapse. My reaction time was getting worse than that of a sloth and if Boromir hadn't been there I would've died every two seconds.

"Tristan, get out of here", he yelled at me while stabbing a uruk that had sneaked up on me.

"But Haldir-", I started but Boromir wasn't in the mood for discussions.

"You won't be able to save him when you're dead", he stated and shoved me out of the way as another uruk attacked.

I couldn't argue with that and was actually on my way to get off the wall, when, in the corner of my eye, I saw a particularly ugly uruk with a sparkling torch running towards the wall. "Boromir, there's bomb guy", I yelled and, what felt like the last few remaining molekules of adrenalin got to work.

I managed to push myself up and when I saw the scene unfolding just like in the movie with Legolas shooting but not stopping the uruk, I did something incredibly stupid: I jumped. On the guy with the torch. Yeah, I know, not my smartest move but all the energy I had left was pumped into my muscles and not my brain. Anyways, using up the luck of everyone within a ten mile radius, I actually hit the uruk. I landed right on top of him and he let the torch fall down. But, because none of my plans could ever work perfectly, another uruk picked up the torch and ran towards the bombs. I tried to takle him but I was to slow and only grabbed one of his feet which wasn't good enough. As soon as that guy landed on the bombs, the whole wall blew up and I was lifted off my feet and flew towards the uruks. Then, everything went black.

Surprisingly, I woke up again. At first, I had some problems finding out where I was but when I felt a foot in my back and smelled the air around me, I knew exactly where I was. On the ground somewhere inn the uruk army. My first thought was to just stay down and play opossum. But then I heard Aragorn yell some gibberish which sounded exactly like my cue to get my behind up and save Haldir.  
>My brain still wasn't working properly, although Aragorn might argue that it never does, and so I did exactly what first came to my mind: Getting up and sprinting to Haldir. Obviously, there were a few marginal conditions that complicated my plan but I ignored them gloriously and pushed myself up.<br>A uruk that was about to step on me didn't expect me to be alive and fell backwards into a few of his mates. I excused myself and started running towards the wall. Well, running propably isn't the right word for whatever I was doing to move forwards. I half crawled half stumbled in the general direction of where everyone else was going.  
>In this case, 'everyone else' was the uruks and orcs. Because I was plastered in dirt and because they propably didn't really pay attention, I could tag along unnoticed and made it inside the fortress (or what was left of it). The men and elves were already retreating and there was absolutely no resistance when I entered the yard. The first thing I did was figuring out where we were in the progress of the battle and where I was in relation to Haldir. That proved to be pretty difficult because not only did I have absolutely no sense of direction in the dark, but my body practically yelled at me to go to sleep and I had enough problems already, staying on my feet.<p>

I was nearly giving in, when I heard Aragorn's voice: "Haldir, na barad"

Immediately, all my senses started working on full power and within a second I was at Haldir's side. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. Instead, I started stumbling towards Haldir and it felt like I was stuck running in slo-mo, while everything around me happened in normal speed. When I had finally reached the bottom of the stairs, Haldir had already been cut in the arm and looked at his wound disbelievingly while another uruk stood behind him, raising his blade to kill my elf buddy. Because there was no way, I would reach Haldir in time, I pulled a dagger out of my boot and threw it at the uruk. It hit him in the foot and that threw the uruk off enough for Haldir to turn around and behead him. Then Haldir searched for the source of the dagger and when he found me he gave me a thankful nod.

By now, I was still climbing the stairs and it must have looked really horrible because Haldir took a step towards me and didn't pay attention to what was happening around hin, namely an angry uruk behind him. Said uruk stabbed Haldir in the stomach and prapared to deliver the final blow, when out of nowhere his head was missing. Aragorn had sprinted up the stairs while I was creeping along and was already with Haldir who was looking pretty surprised and even whiter than usual but wasn't dead.

"Tristan, get inside!", Aragorn yelled and me and was rushing down the stairs, half dragging, half carrying Haldir along.

I just nodded and turned around. I wobbled along for two steps when suddenly I was lifted of my feet and carried to the fort

"What the—", I complained and looked up. One of the elves who had brought me to the caves was carrying me. He was dirty and covered in blood but luckily it was way too dark to be his.

When we arrived inside the castle, Aragorn had already layed Haldir on a table and was taking a look at his wound. The elf who carried me was sitting me an a bench next to Haldir and looked warily at Aragorn.

"Is he going to make it?", the elf askedin Sindarin.

Aragorn didn't react to that but instead did his best to stop the bleeding from Haldir's stomach.

"Oi, Haldir", I tried to get Haldir's attention. Slowly, Haldir turned his head towards me and smiled. "You're not gonna die alright? I nearly drowned becaue of you and jumped into a whole army of uruks. You can't just die on me now, understand. If you die, I'll get myself killed instantly only to hunt you down in the Halls of Manos—"

"Mandos... It's the Halls of Mandos", Haldir interrupted weakly.

"Whatever. Halls of Mandos, and then I'll think of something fun to torture you for all eternity. And you don't want that, do you?"  
>Haldir didn't answer but instead just smiled. He looked absolutely horrible and was barely staying awake.<p>

"Aragorn, he's going to be okay, right? He's not gonna die", I turned towards Aragorn.

Aragorn just gave me one of his really pityful,-weight-of-the-world-on-his-shoulders-look and wiped away the tears that were rolling down my cheeks. "He's a strong elf. But I can't promise you anything", Aragorn said.

Before he could go on, someone was yelling for him. Immediately Aragorn went back to fixing up Haldir and when he was finished, he got up and said something to E-Plus, as I now called the elf who had carried me. Then he left.

Finally, my exhaustion was catching up on me and I fell asleep on the table, right next to Haldir.


	17. Chapter 16

_Look at that, we're already at The Return of the King! And there are only 8 Chapters to go...  
><em>

_As usual, there are eternal thanks to be given:_  
><em>PatonxJulia for reviewing<em>  
><em>FrenchRenegade for reviewing<em>

* * *

><p>When I woke up, I had the worst hangover ever. And trust me, I'm an expert on that. I had no idea how I'd gotten it what with all that not-drinking, but it was horrible. My head was pounding and it felt as if it was gonna explode every second, and the rest of my body didn't feel that different.<br>Carefully, I opened at first one eye and then the other. From the look of the ceiling, I was in the same room I had woken up in last time. When I turned my head, Holdwyn was smiling at me.

"Good morning. How are you?", Holdwyn greeted me and offered my a cup of water. I eagerly took it and emptied it in one big gulp.

"More please?", I begged and gave her my puppy-dog-eyes-look.  
>Holdwyn laughed and refilled the cup with water from an amphore that was conveniently standing around. I emptied that cup as well and after we re-did that procedure a few more times, my headache was much better and I also regained my politeness.<p>

"So... How are you? Also, we won, right?", I asked and put down the cup.

"We are all very well, thank you", Holdwyn answered, "And yes, we won. Éomer and his men arrived at sunrise with a wizard and managed to chase Saruman's army in a forrest of Huorns, where they were slaughtered."

"I really hope you meant the uruks being slaughtered and not Oemer", I grinned at her.

Holdwyn only grinned back and threw clothes, that were laying on a chair, at me. "King Théoden and his men, including your friends left for Isengard a few hours ago. I was told to send you after them as soon as you woke up."

"What? They left without me?", I asked dumbfounded and jumped out of bed which wasn't a very good idea. My circulation wasn't as fast as me and I nearly collapsed, hadn't Holdwyn steadied me.

"Thanks. I really gotta go now though", I said and wanted get on my way, but Holdwyn held me back.

"Are you sure you're well enough for the journey?"

"Please, I'm an elf. Also, sitting on a horse isn't that challenging."

"If you say so... But don't complain to anyone about me when you fall of your horse and break all your bones."

"I'm so glad that you've got unwavering trust in me."

"You are very welcome."

"When anything happens to me, you'll be the first person they'll behead."

"Thank you so much. It is a great honour."

"You're welcome. Now would you please leave the room so I can get dressed?"

"Oh yes, of course." Holdwyn turned around and walked out.

Within seconds, I was standing next to her, fully clothed, and pulled the door shut behind me. "I don't suppose you have a horse for me?", I asked hopefully and tried my puppy-dog-eyes again.

"I do. And you don't have to look at me like that every time you want something", Holdwyn answered and led me to the stables. There, she talked to the stable boy and he brought me a beautiful brown horse. It was huge but looked at me friendlyly as if to say that I didn't need to worry. Yeah, I'm a horse whisperer now. Every elf is, though. Anyways, the horse was pretty nice actually and didn't mind me jumping on its back.

"Thanks for the horse. I'll be on my way then. See ya later", I said goodbye and kicked the horse in its flank, hoping that it would start running. Surprisingly, it did. Although I'm not sure if it reacted to my feet or just figured that I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

Once we were out of the valley, the surrounding was getting really nice. In Helm's Deep, the ground was still covered with blood and bodyparts and dead uruks. Some hours later, I saw a group of riders, one of which was riding on a grey horse and wearing a grey cloak. Being pretty sure, that this specific rider was Gandalf, I started yelling at them as loud as I could while I came closer.

Oh, and I developed the theory that horses are pretty much overgrown dogs. My horse instinctively ran in the right direction. I'd had no idea where to find Aragorn & Co., but my horse seemed to.

When my mates had noticed me, they slowed down and I stopped yelling at them.

"I hear you've been insulting Legolas", Aragorn greeted me with a raised eyebrow.

"I doubt that you heard that. I very much assume that you've been told by a certain elf that he supposedly heard that someone was insulting him", I corrected him and grinned.

"He says, you've called him a hedgehog", Aragorn continued.

"That of course is a serious insult and should not be taken lightly", I agreed but then I couldn't stay serious and started laughing.

Boromir, Éomer, Gimli and Gamling grinned as well but Aragorn and Théoden managed to keep a straight face while Legolas pouted and Gandalf started scolding me.

"Seriously, I was only having a bit of fun. Don't be so uptight all the time", I complained which earned me a death glare from the wizard and made me keep my mouth shut.

After about five minutes of awkward silence, at least on my side, Éomer took pity on me and pulled up next to me. "When you went after your friends you cold have asked for a horse, you know. I would have gladly offered you one", he said.

"Yeah... I kinda didn't think about that until I was on the road for a day or so. And then it was too late to turn around", I responded and smiled embarassedly.

"Well, I guess it all worked out well in the end... But think of it next time", Éomer said.

"Yeah, I'll definitely think of it. In those few days I've run enough for the rest of my life. And the rest of my life is forever. Hopefully...", I agreed.

We passed the rest of the journey to Isengard in silence, only sometimes interrupted by me asking for food and water.

When we finally arrived at the ruins that previously were Isengard, we were received by two VERY high hobbits. Once he saw us, Merry clumsily stood up and announced: "Welcome, my lords, to Isengard!" Aragorn and I grinned at them, while Gandalf and the rest stared at them in disbelief.

"You young rascals! A merry hunt you've led us on, and now we find you feasting and smoking!", Gimli complained once he had recovered his voice which earned him a snobbish look from Pippin.

"We are sitting on a field of victory, enjoying a few well-earned comforts. The salted pork is particularly good", Pippin explained with a full mouth and showed us the rest of his piece of pork.

"Salted pork?", Gimli asked, suddenly very nice and interested.

Gandalf just shook his head and mumbled "Hobbits!"

"We're under orders from Treebeard who's taken over management of Isengard", Merry said, returning to the major reason for our visit.

"Well, then get your asses on our horses and then we'll visit him", I took the lead and sent Gandalf and Boromir to pick up the hobbits.

"It's quite wet here... Why is that? Before Sourman became evil he wasn't living in a lake... Gandalf, why is that?", I asked when we rode into the huge lake that had formed around Orthanc.

"How should I know? And it isn't of any importance!", Gandalf answered pretty annoyed.

"What did I do? I just asked you a legitimate question!", I protested but Gandalf didn't react. So I started poating until a huge tree and I mean HUGE TREE appeared before us. Looking at Treebeard from the ground was pretty itimidating.

"Huraroom ... Young Master Gandalf, I'm glad you've come. Wood and water, stock and stone I can master, but there's a wizard to be managed here ... Locked in his tower", Treebeard greeted us, well he greeted Gandalf and ignored the rest of us.

"You're HUGE!", I stammered and stared at the Ent with an open mouth.

"Huaroom, maybe you are just small, young elf", Treebeard answered and smiled at me kindly.

Gandalf was less nice, shot me a glare and then turned to Treebeard: "In his tower, Saruman must remain, under your guard Treebeard."

Meanwhile, we had ridden to the foot of Orthanc and Gandalf was staring at the platform on top of it, while Gimli had a, in my eyes, pretty good idea: "Let's just have his head and be done with it."

Gandalf of course didn't agree with that plan and Treebeard agreed with him, which sold me on Gandalf's objection.

Suddenly Sacryman himself appeared on his platform and looked down at us. "You have fought many wars and killed many men Théoden King and made peace afterwards. Can we not take counsel together as we once did, my old friend? Can we not have peace, you and I?", he offered sounding very defeated and smooth.

When Saruman started talking, my headache that had nearly disappeared completely came back. "Sagrotan, stop talking so much! I got a non-alcohol hangover and your voice isn't helping. So unless you have something productive to say: Shut it!", I complained to Saruman, which earned my surprised looks from everyone except Gandalf. Gandalf was glaring at me, as usual. Seriously. Since Rivindell, that guy was always scolding me for something.

"We shall have peace…. We shall have peace when you answer for the burning of the Westfold and the children that lie dead there! We shall have peace when the lives of the soldiers whose bodies were hewn even as they lay dead against the gates of the Hornburg… are avenged! When you hang from a gibbet for the sport of your own crows… we shall have peace!", Théoden continued after that short interruption and did his best to look dangerously.

"Gibbets and crows! Dotard! What do you want Gandalf Greyhame? Let me guess… the key of Orthanc? Or perhaps the keys of Barad Dûr itself? Along with the crowns of the seven Kings and the rods of the Five Wizards!", Saruman got agressive when he realized that we wouldn't let him get away with it.

"Actually the keys to Barad-Dûr wouldn't be bad. Do you mind giving them to us?", I asked and grinned, but, as usual, I was ignored by everyone.

"Your treachery has already cost many lives. Thousands more are now at risk. But you could save them Saruman. You were deep in the enemy's counsel", Gandalf tried to reason with Saruman but he wouldn't have any of it.

"So you have come here for information. I have some for you", Saruman said and help up his Palantir. "Something festers in the heart of Middle Earth. Something that you have failed to see. But the great eye has seen it! Even now he presses his advantage. His attack will come soon. You are all going to die! But you know this don't you Gandalf? You cannot think that this Ranger will ever sit upon the throne of Gondor. This exile, crept from the shadows will never be crowned King."

"Oi, Sagrotan, don't mess with my mate here or I'll come up to your nice roof deck and throw you off of it", I threatend and rode a few steps closer to the door.

"What do you want, little elf. I still do not understand why Gandalf even took you with him on this journey. You are in no capacity able to aid this quest. You have always been and will always be a burden to them. And you of all people knows that Gandalf does not hesitate to sacrifice those who are closest to him. Those he professes to love! Tell me, what words of comfort did you give the Halfling before you sent him to his doom? The path that you have set him on can only lead to death", Sagrotan said and shot Gandalf a superior look.

"I've heard enough! Shoot him! Stick an arrow in his gob!", Gimli urged Legolas.

But before Legolas, who had become Gimli's trusted side kick as of late, could reach for an arrow, Gandalf called him off: "No! Come down Saruman and your life will be spared!"

"Save your pity and your mercy. I have no use for it!", he yelled angrily and shot a fireball at Gandalf. Because Gandalf is awesomely powerful like that, the fire didn't harm him and instead, he announced to Rainbow-Man in a booming voice: "Saruman, your staff is broken!"

Immediately, Saruman's staff broke in his hands and Saruman looked at it in shock.

"What do you say now? Maybe you should've stuck with being the white guy. Especially since Saruman the Colourful sounds like some sort of Toddler book's main character!", I mocked the now powerless former wizard.

Behind Former Wizard, Gríma appeared and warily looked down on us.

"Gríma! You need not follow him! You were not always as you are now. You were once a man of Rohan. Come down", Théoden generously offered when he saw his former chancellor; who nearly killed him, I might add. Seriously, I always doubted Théoden's ability as head of state but this was just plain ridiculous.  
>Gríma however liked Théoden's idea and was about to come down, when our former wizard chimed in: "A man of Rohan? What is the house of Rohan but a thatched barn where brigands drink in the reek and their brats roll on the floor with the dogs? The victory at Helms Deep does not belong to you Théoden Horse Master. You are a lesser son of greater sires!<p>

"Grima, come down! Be free of him!", Théoden urged Gríma but again, Former Wizard seemed to have a problem with that.

"Free? He will never be free!"

When Gríma, from the look of him for the first time in his life, disagreed with our retired wizard, he finally lost it and slapped Gríma to the ground.

Gandalf, instead of trying to resolve the situation tried to change the subject: "Saruman! You were deep in the enemy's counsel. Tell us what you know!"

Our colourful prisoner actually turned around and agreed to Gandalf's request: "You withdraw your guard and I will tell you where your doom will be decided. I will not be held prisoner here!"

Behind his back though, Gríma had pulled out a knife and now stabbed him twice in the back. Legolas immediately shot and killed Gríma but it didn't do any good and the former fell of his tower and after a few very long seconds landed with a loud 'thud' on the spikes of some sort of water mill that was next to his tower

"Ouch...", was all I could say to that.

"Send word to all our allies and to every corner of Middle Earth that still stands free. The enemy moves against us. We need to know where he will strike", Gandalf ordered as soon as everyone had recovered from that unpleasant sight. At the same time, the water wheel turned and Saruman disappeared beneath the water head first. The Palantir, that magically had stuck close to his body during the at least fifty metre fall, dropped from his hand into the water.

"The filth of Saruman is washing away... Trees will come back to live here, young trees... wild trees...", Treebeard mused but my attention was drawn away by Pippin who had spotted the glowing Palantir in the water.

"Pippin, don't touch..." but it was too late. Pippin had already jumped into the water and now held the evil iBall in his hands. "...that", I finished my sentence and looked at him warily.

"Well bless my bark!", Treebeard cried and within a second, Gandalf was at Pippin's side and put forth his hand, expecting Pippin to put the Palantir in it.

"Peregrin Took! I'll take that, my lad!", he ordered, but Pippin didn't seem to hear it and stared at the lightshow that was happening in the crystal ball instead. "Quickly, now!", Gandalf insisted, now a bit more forcefull and Pippin snapped out of his trance and reluctantly gave the Palantir to Gandalf who hid it immediately.

"Pippin you idiot! Stop touching everything!", I scolded him but by the looks of him, it wasn't even necessairy.


	18. Chapter 17

_Hi. Sorry for the late update but I was extremely busy with real life during the last few days. Since uni is about to start, my situation propably won't change and I guess I won't be able to update more than every two weeks. I hope you can forgive me ;-)_

_As usual, a place in heaven is reserved for:_  
><em>CeresMaria for pointing out that I really should repair my spellcheck anytime soon<em>  
><em>and PatonxJulia for making my month.<em>

* * *

><p>The ride home was pretty uneventful. The hobbits told us what they'd been up to and when they had nothing left to tell, we started chatting about the pipe weed in Former Wizard's pantry. I had managed to take most of what was left when Gandalf hadn't looked and now, the Hobbits and me were discussing how to consume it. Merry was defending the pipes while I was trying to convince them that paper rolls were much better. Pippin was open for my suggestion and when we arrived at Edoras, I had convinced the two to try it out with me.<p>

"So, Aragorn, are you in?", I asked the ranger who, during the whole conversation hadn't said a word.

"No, thank you. I will stay with my pipe", he answered determinedly.

"Come on. You as the future king of Arnor have to go with the times. Paper is so much more convenient to use", I tried to argue, but Aragorn didn't respond.

This went on until we arrived at the Golden Hall. When we arrived at the bottom of the stairs, we dismounted and a welcome committee walked towards us. Among them were e-plus and a still very white (well, whiter than usual) looking Haldir.

"Haldir", I yelled as soon as I saw him, sprinted towards him and jump-hugged him, nearly tackling him to the ground. "You're alright! You had me worried shitless! I told you a thousand times to watch your back, but no! The great Haldir doesn't have to listen to some little dumb elf who knows the future", I rambled on.

"I'm happy to see you too, but you're crushing me", Haldir said breathless.

"Nah, you're just shamming", I disagreed, but let him go anyways. "Hi, e-plus", I added and nodded to e-plus who was completely perplex and stared at me.

"e-plus?", Haldir asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, I don't know his name, he doesn't speak Westron and he carried me, so I named him e-plus. Like the mobile carrier. Geddit?", I explained, but Haldir just looked at me as if I had finally gone insane. "Nevermind. So, how has life been for you while I was gone?"

"It was horrible. I was crying myself to sleep every night because you were away", Haldir said with a straight face.

Before I could throw another snidy remark Haldir's way, the rest of our expedition had arrived as well and now, everyone was busy saying hello to everyone else as if they hadn't seen each other in years. But well, if they had fun...

That evening, the infamous victory party was held. Before we could drink, Théoden held a speech about the 'Glorious Dead' and when those formalities were out of the way, we transitioned to the more important activities of the evening.

It started out quite civilized. After half an hour or so, Gimli challenged Legolas to a drinking game, while Merry and Pip were dancing on the tables and singing about The Green Dragon. The drinking game was pretty unspectacular because except for Gimli's inappropriate jokes and body noises, nothing happened. Once we had gotten rid of Gimli though, I decided to take the initiative and introduced the people of Rohan to Beer Pong. Instead of a ping pong ball we used a little metal ball that someone was carrying around. I won the first twenty or so rounds, as expected, and then decided to let the others play on their own. I'm not called the Beer Pong Overlord for no reason. Sadly, there wasn't much else going on so I started all kinds of drinking games. Buffalo Club, Flip Cup, Boat Race, and whatever else I could think of. And let me tell you: The people of Rohan are very competative. Although no fights broke out.

Inbetween, I still had time to hit on any woman that had not yet fled the battlefield. Let's just say it was a very happy night for many of them. Well... a few. Well... two or three. But definitely more than one!

Anyways... At some point I bumped into Théoden and spilled my full cup on his shirt. "Hey Théoden! You know what? You're gonna be dead in a few days! That's really funny because you just gave a speech about hailing the dead. You geddit?", I tried to distract him from that, but before I could go deeper into the subject, I was pulled away by Aragorn. Under my vehement protest, he dragged me out of the hall, outside, onto the terrace.

"How much did you drink?", Aragorn asked and studied me with raised eyebrows.

"Not much", I slurred and grinned at him like an idiot.

"Not much? Elves get drunk significantly slower than humans. From the looks of you, you must have drunk at least fifty or so pints!", Aragorn disagreed.

"What? Please! Fifty pints? I'm begging you! Don't insult me like that! I'm pretty sure that the number was at least three-digit!", I cried proudly.

Aragorn only shook his head and went inside, leaving me outside on my own. From somewhere in my pocket, I produced a pre-rolled joint and went to the torches on the way in to light it.

When Aragorn came back, I was sitting on the edge of the terrace, dangling my feet and looking up into the night sky.

"You know, somewhere up there, there is the Doctor. He's a Time Lord you know, and when the humans get into trouble, he'll come around and save them. He'll not come down to Middle Earth though. I don't know why, but it must be because he would piss off the Valar or something because he's much more powerful than them. He's the last of his race you know, which makes him the single most powerful man in the whole universe. You really should meet him. But I guess he'd like the hobbits much more than you", I just philosophised away when I knew that Aragorn was there.

"Here, drink that", Aragorn said and offered me a cup with something in it. I obediently took a sip and spit it out again immediately.

"What are you doing? Do you want to poison me?", I yelled at Aragorn, furious.

"It is only water...", Aragorn answered surprisedly.

"Exactly!", I agreed and moved away from him. We remained like that until I fell asleep. Well, I remained like that and I think Aragorn did as well.

Sleep was kinda nice and comfy when suddenly, the Giant Eyeball appeared in my mind.

"What the?", I yelled at him in my mind. What I had been dreaming at that moment was definitely nothing anyone, especially Giant Eyeball, should have seen.

"Where is he?", the Giant Eyeball asked with his raspy evil voice.

"Who?", I replied as innocently as possible.

"Don't try to play dumb with me! The halfling!", Giant Eyeball snarled at me and a extremely digusting pain started in my head. It felt like someone squishing my brain and at the same time stabbing it.

"Oh, you mean Sean. I hope he's at home in Atlanta, crying himself to sleep. Although we really should call him Gimli instead of Hobbit. Dwarves are much hairier than hobbits..." Before I could tell him any more though, he and the pain were gone. "Well, that was rude!", I thought to myself and fell asleep again.  
>Moments later, someone was shaking and yelling at me.<p>

"Tristan. Please wake up. Are you alright?", the someone was asking me and after a few seconds, I realized that it was Boromir.

"What? I'm trying to sleep here!", I growled back and tried to move away from him.

The next time I woke up, it was on my own accord. I had a little hangover, but nothing to worry about. And I was hungry! During the party, there was no food and I hadn't eaten since I had raided Former Wizard's pantry. Also, I really had to step outside.

After all that was done, I decided to join the rest of the group in the great hall.

Gandalf was arguing with Théoden about the future, or lack thereof: "...challenge him. Sauron fears this. He will not risk the peoples of Middle Earth uniting under one banner. He will raze Minas Tirith to the ground before he sees a King return to the throne of men. If the Beacons of Gondor are lit, Rohan must be ready for war."

The kingly king however didn't see thinks as the wizard did: "Tell me! Why should we ride to the aid of those who did not come to ours? What do we owe Gondor?"

"A whole lot if you ask me. Aragorn and Boromir have saved your ass in Helm's Deep. Also, if you don't help the Gondorians out, Minas Tirith and then Gondor will fall and then, Rohan will be on its own, because I'll send my mate Haldir here to tell his people to get out of here as soon as possible", I chimed in.

"Why should I listen to you. Did you not just yesterday foretell my death? Will going to war in Gondor not exactly do that?", Théoden argued.

"Did I?", I asked, "oh, well, that's unfortunate. But look at it like that: If you die helping out Gondor, you will be remembered a hero. If you die sitting here doing nothing, you will die a coward and there will be no one left to remember you."

"I will go!", Aragorn offered and stepped forward.

"No!", Gandalf disagreed.

"Why didn't Borommir volunteer to go?", I asked everyone around.

"I did. But Gandalf didn't think it to be a good idea", Boromor answered, visibly frustrated.

"They must be warned!", Aragorn argued.

"They will be", Gandalf said and stepped closer to Aragorn. He whispered something Aragorn seemed to accept and then turned to all of us again. "Understand this, things are now in motion that cannot be undone. I ride for Minas Tirith and I won't be going alone."

"Haha, Pippin you are so screwed. Have fun", I laughed at him, but then I saw the look Gandalf was giving me and I knew exactly what was going to come now.

"Yes, Pippin will accompany me to Minas Tirith. But you will come as well", Gandalf calmly broke it to me.

"That's so not fair! I wanted to see dead people! And pirates! Why can't I go see the pirates?", I complained and then I had a surprisingly grown up thought: "Why do I even listen to you? You have absolutely nothing to say to me. You're not my dad! I'll stay here whether you like it or not."

"I do not think so", Gandalf disagreed even calmer. That was starting to really worry me.

"So, what do you want to do about that?", I asked with much more insecurity in my voice than I wanted.

"If it has to be, I will ask King Théoden to order his men to tie you up and bind you to a horse", Gandalf explained with an amused glint in his eyes.

I looked to Théoden who just nodded gravely and then to Boromir, Aragorn, Gimli and Haldir who did absolutely nothing to help me out here. "You suck so much. I swear to you, I'll make this journey the most painful of your entire life. You will wish for the Balrog to come back and fight you if only you could get rid of me", I promised Gandalf and walked out of the hall.

Back in the sleeping room, I packed my stuff as fast as I could and snuck out the back. However, when I wanted to go through the back door, I ran into Haldir.

"Where do you think you're going?", he asked me.

"Nowhere special. I was just so excited to go to Minas Tirith that I already packed all my stuff and I used the back door so I would not disturb Gandalf and Co. in their super-important discussion. What the hell do you think I'm doing?", I snarled at him and tried to walk around him.

"That is exactly what I thought. I am really sorry, but I cannot let you pass", Haldir said and didn't move a bit.

"Are you Gandalf 2.0 now or what? I saved your life. The least you could do, is let me go!", I tried to argue, but Haldir didn't respond to it and just stayed exactly where he was.

"Come on! Please! I don't want to go to Minas Tirith. You know I know how it's gonna be like and I don't want to be there. It's not like they need me anyways!", I tried a different approach, but it was still not working. "Argh! Screw it!", I surrendered and sat down on the ground.

Haldir looked at me thoroughly, searching for any sign that I wanted to cheat him, but then sat down as well.

As soon as he was on the ground, I jumped up, but when I wanted to run out of the door, Haldir grabbed my foot and I did a nice face plant on the floor boards.

"Are you completely nuts? One doesn't grab someones foot just like that! I could have died!", I yelled at Haldir who just looked at me, completely contempt with himself.

"I highly doubt that you could have died from falling on you face. And it was your own fault anyways. Had you not tried to run, I wouldn't have grabbed you foot."

I sighed and let myself fall on the ground. "So... How's your stomach?", I changed the subject.

"Healing very well. Thank you", Haldir answered and smiled at me. "How are you? I was told of your ecapades yesterday night."

"You were? Well, I guess there isn't much I can tell you, though. It was quite fun. One of the few excessive parties I've been at that didn't end in a huge fight", I shrugged and stared into nowhere.

"Do the people in your country always fight at feasts?", Haldir asked curiously.

"Well, not always. But the people that go to the same parties I go to usually do."

"Do you fight as well?"

"What? Me? Do I look like someone who'd do that to you?"

"Actually... Yes, you do."

"Alright. But not all the time. And only when they really deserve it."

"And you wonder why no one takes you serious?"

"No, I don't wonder about that at all."

"What is the real reason for your reluctance to go to Minas Tirith?", Haldir asked after a few seconds of silence.

"It's not really any of your business, you know."

"That does not prevent me from wanting to know."

"But it still doesn't make me tell you."

Haldir just looked at me and didn't say anything.

"I screwed up big time and I don't want to be there when it all unravels", I broke the awkward pause.

"What did you do?"

"I saved Boromir's life. He was going to die on Amon Hen. And his death ensured that everything went right. Now that he's alive, there is so much stuff that could go wrong that I can't do anything about. I'd rather just sit here and wait for everything to be over", I poured my heart out.

"Running away, or in your case staying behind will not solve anything."

"But it's a lot easier. Also, I don't want to go anywhere with those two. I'd much rather hang out with Gimli."

"Do you not count Gandalf and Peregrin as your friends?"

"Not really. Pippin is fun, that's for sure, but he's even more childish than me. And Gandalf? He absolutely hates me."

"I have to disagree. I think, Gandalf likes you very much. You are just a very... special... person and you tend to be annoying."

"Yeah? Thanks."  
>Five minutes later, Gandalf appeared and as usual, scolded me: "Tristan! Where have you been? We have been searching the whole hall for you! Pack your things! We have to leave!" Without giving me a second look, he walked away again.<p>

"I already packed", I replied and gave Haldir an I-told-you-so-look. Then, I got up and went after Gandalf.

"How far is Minas Tirith?", Pippin asked when we were ready and sat on the horses.

"Three days ride as the Nazgûl flies. And you'd better hope we don't have one of those on our tail", Gandalf answered.

"Oh, funny", I threw in, which as usual earned me an unapproving look, but by now, I didn't bother about it.

Pippin and Merry, who had come along to the stables, said a very depressing goodbye and then we were off towards Gondor.


	19. Author's Note

Hi Guys,

it's me, Zolly, your unreliable author.

To make it short: At the moment, I'm extremely busy with work (I finally got a job. Good for me, bad fo you) and uni (started last week), so I decided to put tiNaM on temporary hiatus. Notice the temporary. I WILL be back, I promise, but at the moment, I barely have time to breathe. I hope that you don't hate me too much and will read my ramblings, when I upload my next chapter, hopefully in late November.

I'm really sorry but my education and money for my food are more important than writing fanfiction, as sorry as I am to have to admit that.

See you soon

Zolly


	20. Cancelled

Hey guys,

it's me again. Last time, I promised that I would update as soon as I had time. The problem with that is, that I don't have time. Uni and all stuff related to it are eating my free time. Because of that, I decided to cancel This is NOT a Musical and rewrite it from the start, next time I got some spare time (at the current rate that'll be when I'm dead...)

I'm really sorry but I didn't feel right to let you wait for a new chapter forever!

Love xx

Zolly


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